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An Alarmingly Large Amount Of People Think Chocolate Milk Comes From Brown Cows And I Wish They Were Right

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WaPo – Seven percent of all American adults believe that chocolate milk comes from brown cows, according to a nationally representative online survey commissioned by the Innovation Center of U.S. Dairy.

If you do the math, that works out to 16.4 million misinformed, milk-drinking people. The equivalent of the population of Pennsylvania (and then some!) does not know that chocolate milk is milk, cocoa and sugar.

Buddy, let me tell you a little something real quick. If chocolate milk came from brown cows, I’d pack my shit and become a farmer faster than you “Phil Kessel Is A Two-Time Stanley Cup Champion”. I would get a whole squad of brown cows and I’d fill up a glass right from their tits every single day. Wouldn’t even sell any of the chocolate milk. I’d just drink straight from the source and have myself a life. I get that it’s idiotic to think chocolate milk is anything besides regular milk mixed with cocoa powder or syrup. But it’s wishful thinking.

Now I know what you’re all thinking right now. If you love chocolate milk so much, why wouldn’t you just buy a farm with a whole bunch of regular cows and make your own chocolate milk from their milk. Well because now that’s just too much work. I’d rather not have to live on a farm and just head over to Wawa to buy a half gallon every day. If it were as simple as milking a brown cow and, voila, there’s your chocolate milk? It’s the easiest decision I’d ever make in my life.

I don’t know. Just seems like a lot of people are making fun of Americans today for being so dumb and misinformed. When it reality, this shows me that 7% of Americans know how to dream. This shows me that 7% of Americans have an active imagination. And it shows me that scientists should really get their shit together to genetically alter brown cows to the point where they actually do produce chocolate milk. Would be huge.

P.S. – This is a fight that I’ve been fighting for a few years now. But how the fuck hasn’t Cocoa Puffs started to bottle their own chocolate milk before? Hands down, the greatest chocolate milk in the world is the leftover milk you have after ripping a bowl of CP’s. In reality, all cereal brands should make their own cereal milk. But Cocoa Puffs should be leading the charge.