Oh, boo hoo, Hannah Peewee. If that’s your real name. Cry me a river. We know what you’re up to, sob sister. Myself and all the decent folk who shop at the Woodland Mall. Good, God-fearin’ citizens who want to shop for pants at Old Navy, pick up a new phone case at the kiosk and grab a pretzel from Auntie Anne’s without you flaunting your wares. We know all about tramps like you. Libertine women of loose morals who put impure thoughts in our heads with your oversexualized Pixar shirts and shorts that don’t go below your fingertips. And who is Dory? A fish who spends all her time traipsing around the ocean with a fish who is not her husband. And who can’t remember what she did the night before. It’s lewd. Lascivious. Salacious. Outrageous!
Forgive us if we’d like to enjoy a nice day of air conditioned consumerism without being subjected to scarlet women like you brazenly exposing their shoulders and thighs. So I’m glad to see at least one red blooded American shopper and the mall cops in Woodland are upholding some standards of decency. Maybe that act will fly at the Sodom and Gomorrah Outlets, but not West Michigan. They probably prevented untold numbers of sex crimes by getting you out of there. Remember, if you don’t wish to be slut shamed, don’t dress like such an obvious slut. Sinner.