So last night I went to the Yankees Red Sox game with a few friends from school. The three of us are all pretty big Yankee fans and obviously were enjoying the horrible pitching of Mr. David Price as Gary Sanchez teed the fuck off. One of my buddies brought his roommate who we’ve gone out with a good amount and are pretty chill with. He’s a Red Sox fan unfortunately, but he’s a good kid to have around no doubt about it. My other friend invited his buddy who also went to school with us, but we were really didn’t hang with much for reasons I’ll get into shortly. He looks like a mix of Erik Spoelstra and Starlin Castro, but he doesn’t like sports at all. The whole game he would ask who was up and if that was Aaron Judge who just got a hit when it was Gary Sanchez launching the ball into outer space. Dude there’s a gigantic jumbo tron in center field that tells you who’s up so you can pretend to know what you’re saying. I don’t do well around people who don’t know sports, I just don’t know what else to talk about. I couldn’t imagine going to get drinks or something at a bar after work with someone with no knowledge of sports. I have one friend in my entire life that’s like this, shout out Yonah Nimmer from LA, but that’s all the room I have for friends that don’t know sports. Anyways, the game was pretty painful to watch with these ridiculous questions like what’s a foul ball or explaining a double play. I debated jumping off the upper deck just to save myself, but instead resorted to drinking copious amounts of beers.
Once Brett Gardner hit his blast in the bottom of the 8th to make it 8-1, the game was essentially all but over. But that’s when the fireworks happened. The guy who knew nothing about baseball turned to the Red Sox fan (clearly down in the dumps because Price got shelled and the Sox lost the rubber match of the series) and asked him with a serious face on…
“Why did you come to the baseball game tonight if the Red Sox were gonna lose so badly?”
I spit out my beer. I’ve never been in a more awkward position in my entire life sitting in between the two. Pure second hand embarrassment. I mean the Sox fan was in full rights to jump over me and punch that kid in the face. We were sitting in the front row of the upper deck and I don’t believe he gets charged with anything if he picks up the kid and tosses him off the balcony. You tell that story to cops, and even though he’s a Sox fan, he gets a pass. The craziest part was that he was dead serious in asking the question. When he didn’t get a response back he just went on with his night as if he didn’t just ask the most ridiculous question in the history of sports. You know when your teacher told you in grade school there’s no such thing as a stupid question? Yeah she was wrong, case and point right here.
Men who can’t talk sports on even the smallest of scales deserve to be put on an island by themselves so they can talk about whatever the hell they talk about. Sorrey if that’s a hardo statement or not, I just can’t deal with them. Women are different, this only goes for men.
So was this guy in his rights to murder the non-sports fan? Let me know, but you’re wrong if you disagree.
Also, I’m going to the Belmont tomorrow and I swear to God if this kid comes and asks me why I bet on that horse if it was going to come in last I’m going to push him onto the track so he gets trampled.
P.S. Shout out to the group of five year olds chanting “Boston sucks” at the game last night for a full five minutes. Good to know some parents are raising their kids the right way.