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Uber CEO Made 'Sex Rules' For Employees Ahead Of Company Trip

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Source - Uber CEO Travis Kalanick fired off a bizarre email in 2013 to hundreds of employees where he listed the conditions under which they could have sex with each other at a company outing in Miami, among other off-color comments, according to reports.

Recode obtained an email Thursday that has become infamous in the company as the “Miami letter.” In the email, Kalanick allegedly started off by telling his staff that they had to read it or “I’ll kick your ass.”

“Do not have sex with another employee UNLESS a) you have asked that person for that privilege and they have responded with an emphatic ‘YES! I will have sex with you’ AND b) the two (or more) of you do not work in the same chain of command. Yes, that means that Travis will be celibate on this trip,” Kalanick wrote in the email. The email surfaced as Uber weathers a series of scandals related to the company’s allegedly toxic culture.

I like my CEOs like I like my men; alphas. Firing off an email to sixty-seven-hundred employees with the subject line “read this or I’ll kick your ass” is a big time alpha move. It’s also a big time weirdo move. Probably shouldn’t threaten your own employees with physical violence. I’m sure he wasn’t serious but still, not a good look. A good CEO notices trends and adjusts the business plan accordingly. He probably saw the sexual tension coming to a head and wanted to cover his bases. Makes sense, can’t have a lawsuit on your hands.

I would be lying if I said I didn’t love this letter. It’s like a real life version of Chappelle’s sex contract.

“Do not have sex with another employee UNLESS a) you have asked that person for that privilege and they have responded with an emphatic ‘YES! I will have sex with you’ AND b) the two (or more) of you do not work in the same chain of command.”

People are overreacting. He’s just looking out for his employees.  Make sure they “emphatically say yes” so there’s no confusion. And make sure you don’t work with each other so it’s not awkward. If Sam from accounting and Molly from HR wanna get freaky, go for it. But if Dan from PR wants to bang Brad from PR, forget about it.

The “(or more)” is a wild line to throw in. Are people at Uber having threesomes? It would make sense they meet a lot people. Regardless, I’m sure the Uber Miami trip was lit. Any trip that is preceded with a list of ‘sex rules’ is going to be a good time.

Travis isn’t the best looking guy so I was going to make a joke about how he’s never had sex before but then I looked up his net worth. Damn.

Follow me on Twitter: @BarstoolPAT