Did Sidney Crosby Actually Tell PK Subban His Breath Stinks? The World May Never Know

It seemed like a nice little moment at the end of Game 3 on Saturday night. Sidney Crosby and PK Subban. Two great competitors doing a little jawing back and forth on the game’s biggest stage. Nothing we’ve never seen before. When asked about the confrontation, Subban opted not to be a snitch and just keep what was said on the ice, on the ice. So instead, he had a little fun with the interview and said Crosby called out his dental hygiene. Again–just seemed like a good, light-hearted moment. That is, of course, until Sidney Crosby got super butt hurt about the whole ordeal and entirely too defensive about it.

Yeah he made that up? YEAH, he made THAT up? Pu taht edam eh haey? What is Sidney Crosby trying to say here? What does it all mean?

You want to know who vehemently denies a report about telling somebody their breath smells? Somebody who told somebody else that their breath smells. At the very least, “I didn’t say that” implies that something was said. I had no interest in what was said before Crosby came out on the defensive. But now my investigative journalist G-spot has been hit. And now I need to get to the bottom of this.

They always tell you to “follow the money” when you’re trying to expose a story. Well where does the money go here? PK Subban mentioned in his post-game interview that used some Listerine before the game.

listerine

Listerine is a “brand of antiseptic mouthwash product” that is owned under the Johnson & Johnson umbrella. And as you all know, Johnson & Johnson is predominantly known for their baby products.

johnson-and-johnson

So what does this all have to do with Sidney Crosby? Well, folks, let me remind you all that Sidney Crosby himself is, in fact, a baby.

crosby-baby

So what I’m thinking here is that this “confrontation” between Subban and Crosby wasn’t confrontational at all. In actuality, I believe this was all a ruse. I believe that Sidney Crosby and PK Subban fabricated this entire story as a form of subliminal advertising for Listerine. By pushing the sale of Listerine worldwide, they are essentially driving in more and more money to Johnson & Johnson. Thus producing more baby powder and baby shampoo and all that other shit. A rather open-and-shut case if you ask me.

@BarstoolJordie