5 Reasons Gronk's New Contract is a Good Deal for Everyone

Me & Gronk

The Patriots went way off script last night when they gave Rob Gronkowski a re-do on his contract. Sure, they restructure deals like I drink to excess and pleasure myself to Gal Gadot’s Wonder Woman, frequently and in creative ways. But Gronk is under team control through 2019. So it’s a little surprising they would do a deal now, especially since this new one doesn’t extend him at all. So there’s really no financial benefit to this restructure. But this is a front office that’s constantly looking for ways to reinvent how they do business. And Gronk is obviously a pretty unique case. And here are five reasons why this makes sense:

1. It rights an justice. Gronk was scheduled to make $5 million this season. Jimmy Graham makes $10 million. In the multiverse model of the cosmos where there are an infinite number of parallel universes in existence, there isn’t one where he should be making half of what Graham makes. Yes, they could argue that they have a contract and if he doesn’t want to live with the terms, he shouldn’t have signed it. But that’s pretty much the argument John Hammond made to Dennis Nedry when he bid the Jurassic Park IT contract. And look how that worked out.

2. The team is protected. This deal is totally incentive-based. There’s not a man, woman or child among us who doesn’t love Gronk’s game. Or admit that his injuries have piled up. And his surgeries. He hasn’t played a full schedule since 2011. And his next operation will put him in double digits just since 2009. But this new 2017 pay is all based on [clicks on the Football Cliche Generator app] … the most important ability: Availability.

* First tier – $10.75 million if he reaches any of the following: plays 90 percent of the snaps, 80 catches, 1,200  yards or an All-Pro selection

* Second tier – $8.75 million if he reaches 80 percent playing time, 70 catches, 1,000  yards or 12 TDs

* Third tier – $6.75 million if he reaches 70 percent playing time, 60 catches, 800 yards or 10 TDs

So in order to make Jimmy Graham money, he’ll have to have the best season of his career. And he’d be a bargain at twice that price.

3. It doesn’t affect the cap. This is where the Patriots got cute. Because the league formula for incentive bonuses is based on last year and Gronk only played half the games (and barely played in half of those), all these tiers are designated as “Not Likely to Be Earned.” If he doesn’t collect, the dollars don’t count.

4. It throws a bone to Gronk. And the Gronkowskis. No one knows for certain if Gordy Gronkowski is calling the shots on his boys’ career. But there’s plenty enough smoke to assume there’s a flame at the bottom. From the mess of surgeries he had under the old team doctor, the set backs, the caution with his rehabs, that weird anonymous statement awhile back that suggested his “pain tolerance” was an issue and the team and Gronkowski family issuing a joint rebuttal that they were on the same page and everything was proceeding nicely, there have been issues. Showing a willingness to work with them instead of saying “Look, we won a Super Bowl without your kid, we can do it again” can’t hurt.

5. It pisses off all the right people. There’s a faction in the Boston media anti-Patriots jihad that is sick of Gronkowski, hates his off the field shenanigans, calls him “Glasskowski,” think the family’s involvement constitutes meddling, and would rather the team just trade him. I shit you not when I say a radio host claimed that the Dwayne Allen trade was proof the Pats are ready to move on from him. A season of him hitting that $10.75 million bonus will kill their souls. And if for no other reason than that, this deal is a pure good.