Donald Trump's Handshake Got Absolutely Dominated By The President Of Tajikistan

Well we knew this day was coming. The tape of Donald Trump’s handshake has been out for a while and sooner or later he was going to be dealt a decisive L by a leader of another country. He can no longer sneak up on people with it like some hotshot rookie from Triple-A. The film and technique has been broken down by opposing world leaders and now Trump must adjust to avoid a Sophomore slump. I’ll admit that I didn’t think the president of Tajikistan was going to be the one to give Donnie that L, but here we are. Emomali Rahmon temporarily turned The Donald into a Stretch Armstrong with jelly arms for a few seconds before the leader of the free world tried to save face by leaning into it, riding that handshake out, and flashing that patented smile. All in all a decent recover by Trump.

But you know what? Even though I had never heard of Tajikistan until today, I don’t blame Donnie one bit. This week has been a whirlwind for him. He’s in the Middle East touching orbs, holding swords and writing notes to walls and shit. Plus I would imagine The Donald has no idea what the fuck Tajikistan is either. But if your country has a name of a place that sounds like it should have a curved sword on its flag, I’m not trying to win a silly tug-of-war handshake with your president. Trump was clearly outside his comfort zone during this handshake since it took place in Riyadh. And while Saudi Arabia isn’t a home game for the president of Tajikistan, it’s one of those neutral court site games that is much more of an advantage to him than it is to Donnie. As you can see on this map, Trump basically traveled to Greensboro to play a Tobacco Road team in the NCAA Tournament as Tajikstan is not all that far away from Saudi Arabia, nestled snugly in the Stan District of the planet.


Yeah losing a handshake to a random leader of an extremely random, small country is an awful look for America. But Trump needed to put some wrinkles in his handshake game now that people are game planning for it before he starts meeting with world leaders that have real power and nukes. Time for The Donald and America to learn and grow from this loss. Not sure if he shook hands with Pope Francis, but if so El Papal looks ripe for a mollywhopping via handshake.