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This Kid Really Won The Preakness

That’s how you really win the Preakness. If you haven’t been, it’s not about the horses or the clothes or the hats like at the Derby. Preakness is about the debauchery. The chaos. The drunkenness and the absurd. So shout out to this guy for taking Preakness back to it’s roots- drunk kids in ridiculous clothes running across porta potties. And it’s an absolute true shame he couldn’t even get ONE beer thrown at his head.

Ever since they started trying to clean up Preakness so people only have unprotected sex inside of the porta potties instead of recklessly running across the top of them, there has been a large decrease in concussion-based injuries at the track, and I for one am tired of it. How there wasn’t one old school Preankess head around to chuck a can at him for old time’s sake brings a tear to my eye. I guess this is growing up.

PS: That nerd horse Cloud Computing officially won the Preakness in a so-so finish. American Pharoah can pop his champaign and then fuck 10 more mares.