Myles Garrett Asked For "Kiss From A Rose" To Play As He Signed His Contract And The Browns May No Longer Be Cursed

BELIEVELAND STAND UP!!! I am here to buy all the Browns stock that I can get after watching that video. As a fan of the Mets and Knicks, I know a thing or two about rooting for hopeless franchises. The constant losing and laughter from other fanbases causes you to hate your team. The ineptitude of ownership and the front office drives you bananas. The entire time you are just hoping and praying for someone to come in and change the entire direction of the franchise by making shrewd moves or breaking any curses that may be on your franchise. And since noted curse killer Theo Epstein told the guys on Pardon My Take that he wasn’t going to join the Browns (unless it was for leverage wink wink), Myles Garrett did the next best thing by requesting “Kiss From A Rose” as his signing song. If the golden pipes of Seal are good enough to lure Heidi Klum in for a decade-long marriage, they at the very least have a chance to break an almost two decade-long curse in the NFL. It’s the next best thing outside of burning the Browns QB jersey, which would also be spitting in the face of the comedic sports gods.


To be honest, I didn’t even know they had contract signing songs. But it makes perfect sense. Closers have entrance songs before they enter games. Wrestlers have entrance songs before they enter the ring. You should have an entrance song before you enter a franchise. I personally would have gone for something a bit more cookie cutter with my choice and picked something like Gimme The Loot.

But choosing an incredibly emotional if not kinda corny song is the way to go if you are drafted by a bad team that needs help breaking out of a massive slump. Which is why Stay by Lisa Loeb would by my other choice if I was drafted by a team that needed some good mojo.

Fuck it, you know what? Lisa Loeb just inspired me to break out my Planters Put Your Nuts On The Table™ prediction right now.

The Browns will go 11-5 and make it to the AFC Divisional Round in 2017!

Looks at Browns QB depth chart


The Browns will go 11-5 and make it to the AFC Divisional Round in 2018!

Updates Browns QB depth chart


Rereads old tweet by DeShone Kizer



Rewatches old People vs. OJ Simpsons clips

Rewatches old Always Sunny episode


Rewatches Kiss From A Rose music video with the Batman Forever clips playing in the background

The Browns will go 11-5 and make it to the AFC Divisional Round in 2017!

*If Planters or any other nut company would like to sponsor this segment in the future, please contact @jaydanahy. First hit was free. Next one’s gonna cost ya.