Nothing Triggers Me As Much As God Damn Stupid Prices For Paintings Triggers Me

OH FUCK THIS SHIT

Bloomberg - Jean-Michel Basquiat’s painting of a skull sold for $110.5 million at Sotheby’s in New York, setting an auction record for American artists and providing a windfall for the daughter of two collectors who purchased it for $19,000 in 1984.

Basquiat’s canvas was last purchased at auction three decades ago by the late New York collectors Jerry and Emily Spiegel. It then disappeared from the public view until the couple died in 2009 and their art trove passed on to their two feuding daughters, according to people familiar with the matter.

The bidding for the painting started on May 18 at $57 million, sparking gasps in the packed salesroom, and lasted for more than 10 minutes as three parties chased after the work. The result ended up smashing Andy Warhol’s $105.4 million auction record and making Brooklyn-born Basquiat the most expensive American artist at auction. Basquiat died in 1988.

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Seriously, fuck art. Fuck it so hard. I hate it. There is absolutely zero logic behind why some paintings sell for millions of dollars and some paintings sell for pennies. I don’t even hate that weird skull thingy with scribbles all around it, but it going from $19,000 in 1984 to being sold this week for 110 million is so fucking stupid it makes my brain hurt. It could be worse though. I always go back to the well for this one, but this god damn painting haunts my dreams:

I wake up in cold sweats because of that god damn stupid blue painting being sold for 44 million dollars. It’s garbage. It’s idiotic. It’s nothing better than a starvin Marvin could do with his toes with his last dying breath. But some asshole decided it’s “art” so it’s worth 44 million dollars. Fuck youuuuuuuuuuuu.

Oops, did I accidentally put a red box in the middle of this blog? NOPE. That’s a fucking painting that sold for 1.1 million dollars. Honest to goodness, I don’t even understand how it’s possible. It’s a red square, something you could do during your lunch break.

Now, for comparison, look at this painting KFC’s 1 year old daughter Shea did:

Isn’t that cute? Shea drew a cow in daycare. I wonder how much she can get for it?

NOPE JUST KIDDING. Apparently it’s a motherfucking masterpiece so it sold for 2.2 MILLION DOLLARS. It. Does. Not. Make. Sense.

And one more just for kicks:

Very creatively named “Orange, Red, Yellow” this painting that a 1st grader would draw in art class while trying to learn his shapes is worth….

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86.9 million dollars. Brilliant stuff. Truly brilliant.

And of course, you could always just paint like this

End up with this

And make one of the most expensive paintings of all time, a cool $140 million.

So in conclusion, keep drawing shitty things and then one day someone will pay you millions of dollars for your dumb ass paintings. The end.