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Doing Meth And Masturbating Vigorously In Public Is A Great Way To Get Out Of A Bad Situation

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Oregon - A man was indicted Thursday for “masturbating vigorously” outside of New Avenues for Youth in downtown Portland on May 3.

Court documents say that when a Portland police officer responded to a complaint of public indecency at the location, the officer saw Terry Lee Andreassen, 59, “with his erect penis exposed to the public.”

When Andreassen saw the officer, he “put his penis back in his pants and began to walk away.” Documents say that when the officer asked Andreassen whether or not it was appropriate to masturbate in public and why he was doing it, Andreassen told the officer that he was on meth and wanted to go back to prison, because he “f–ing hates Portland.”

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You know, there are many different steps you can take when you want to get out of a bad situation. Some people will pack up their suitcase and move to a new city, bright eyed and bushy tailed, ready to take on the world. Some people move back home with their parents, start a blog, and con a midget into hiring them. And some people, well, some people do a shit ton of methamphetamine and start masturbating vigorously on the street. It’s 100% the best way to get out of any situation you’re in. Trouble at work with your boss? Start jerking off. Want to get out of your current relationship with your girlfriend? Call up Heisenberg, smoke a pound of crystal, and start jerking off. Your bitch girlfriend will be out of your house in no time. So Terry Andreassen did the only rational thing possible to get out of the city of Portland, Oregon. He whip[ed out that dick and had a field day. It’ll get the job done every time. Tried and true, red white and blue.