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Ryan Johansen Would Very Much Like For Ryan Kesler To Stop Touching His Dick So Much

Nashville Predators v Anaheim Ducks - Game One

Ryan Johansen has had the misfortune of being matched up against Ryan Kesler this series and anybody who has ever watched Kesler’s game before knows that he’s one of the bigger bags of shit in the NHL. That’s just his style of play/existence. Here’s an example of how closely Ryan Kesler’s game resembles a brown paper bag filled with dog feces.

Now I’m not afraid to victim blame a little here. It looks like Ryan Johansen was looking at the Nashville bench. About to head off for a line change and thought he could just coach to the bench without taking a bow up to the jaw from Ryan Kesler. That’s somewhat on RyJo. You have to be aware of your surroundings out there. When a flaming pile of shit like Ryan Kesler is on the ice, you have to keep your head on a swivel. Regardless, it’s a dirtball play from Kesler. To which Ryan Johansen sounded off on after the game.

“…he just blows my mind. I don’t know what’s going through his head out there. Like his family and his friends watching him play, I don’t know how you cheer for a guy like that. It just doesn’t make sense how he plays the game. Ya know I’m just trying to go out there and play hockey, and it sucks when you gotta pull a stick out of your groin every shift.” 

Poor Ryan Johansen. Guy just goes out there trying to have fun playing the game that he loves. But every time he’s out on the ice, he has to worry about some older man touching his dick and nuts. I know that Ryan Johansen plays for the Predators but Ryan Kesler is the real predator here. You’d think this is something the Department of Player Safety would figure out before we have to get Chris Hansen on the phone but that time has past.

And then there’s also this damning quote from Kesler after the game.

“I play the game hard, and obviously he doesn’t like that”

So Ryan Kesler is horny and continues to touch Ryan Johansen in the dick even though he clearly knows he doesn’t like it? Seems a little fucked up to me but as we’ve seen before, officiating in the Stanley Cup Playoffs is horrendous and the DoPS is scared to death to suspend anybody during the playoffs. So I doubt we’ll see any supplemental discipline coming Kesler’s way and he’ll continue to terrorize RyJo on the ice for the rest of the series. It’s sad but hey, that’s just playoff hockey.

@BarstoolJordie