A Little Smog Has Got Francis Absolutely SHOOK
“China’s capital may have just seen the highest pollution on record earlier today with numerous quality monitoring stations across the city recording lung-busting AQI levels of over 900. Anyone living or visiting the city would be advised to stay indoors and limit the length of time spent outside during this airrmageddon.” (Shanghai Expat)
Francis and I were always planning on doing a couple days up in Beijing while he was in China. I mean who wants to fly all the way out here without seeing The Great Wall(the 8th wonder of the world, not that shitty Matt Damon movie)?? He seemed quite excited about it. But now that the Airpocalypse has hit he’s singing a different tune…
No other way to put it. The kid is SHOOK. Listen guy, you think I really want to leave my comfort zone in Shanghai and head up to Beijing, home of the Beijing Ducks?!? Nah fuck the Ducks and fuck Beijing. If I wanted to experience a toxic AQI I’d just take a trip to my friendly neighborhood #HOONLOUNGE. But we asked for content and the content Gods DELIVERED. Pollution records? Sandstorms? CONTENT CITY. Plus I already bought tickets and If I cancel them we’ll have to eat 5% of our ticket costs(roughly $30). Barstool can’t take that kind of blow to their bottom line.
And Francis, for you this is honestly a win-win situation. We’re gonna make some incredible content and if worst comes to worst and you get cancer you’ll never hear another peep from those idiots who think you faked cancer to get the Barstool gig. Better look on the bright side now because come Monday the only colors we’ll be seeing are brown and grey.
P.S. A pollution mask company offered to gift Francis and I some highly effective pollution masks for the trip. However then I remembered Portnoy’s rule about employees other than himself accepting gifts and I told them don’t worry about it. CUE THE MUSIC!
UPDATE: You can’t hide from the Big Bad SMAUG! The content Gods have blessed us! Every other God has fucked us royally! #PRAYFORFRANCIS
