Does This Look Like The Face Of A Guy Who Tried To Break Into A House Where A Woman Was Waiting With A Baseball Bat?

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Daily Mail- A suspected burglar ended up in the hospital over the weekend after police say he was badly beaten when he tried to break into a Tennessee woman’s home.  Lisa Morelock opened her door in Kingsport this weekend after hearing a knock on Saturday night after a woman who appeared said she was handing out flyers searching for a lost dog, WJHL reported. However, when she pulled the door back she was grabbed by the arm by a man, later identified as Joe M. Sotello, wearing a mask who jumped out and tried to drag her outside, police say.  The 52-year-old woman began fighting off the attacker, a man more than twice her size as she is only four feet 11 inches tall. ‘He said ‘this is a robbery’,’ Lisa told WCYB. ‘It was like we were playing football and I was the smallest quarterback in the world.’

It takes some serious balls to be a guy who robs houses. SERIOUS balls. You’re playing an away game every single time. You never know what you’re walking into. You could be walking into a house where no one is home OR you could be walking straight into a Louisville Slugger beating like this guy did. Not only are you playing constant away games but those away games are stocked full of potential weapons that only the person inside knows about. And how about the part where the guy was like “this is a robbery”? What a terrible idea. Playing an away game AND letting the people inside know you’re coming means you deserve to have your face turned into a catcher’s mitt. I like how the article makes a point to list how tall (or short) the girl was. Like that matters. She had a baseball bat and he didn’t. Dustin Pedroia is super short and he still mashes. That’s game, set, match every time.

PS- Any time anyone suffers any sort of face injury I think of this part of Pineapple Express. Every. Single. Time. Looks like somebody fucked you up with a coffee pot man.