The Bills Firing Their GM Right After the Draft is the Most Bills Thing Ever


I swear that if the Buffalo Bills didn’t exist, I would’ve had to invent them. In a world of uncertainty and doubt, when I’ve been let down by my government and my Church, they’re one of the few institutions I know I can count on. Through different owners, different head coaches and different front offices, they somehow always manage to keep the Dysfunctional Bullet Train flying down the tracks of Incompetence toward the washed out bridge of Stupidity to plunge into the canyon of Failure.

Remember when Ralph Wilson died, and the Bills Mafia crowd was worried someone was going to move the franchise? Then Terry Pegula rode in to save the day and they were ready to build a statue of him? Well right now Ralph doing his Grandpa Simpson thing, getting pranked by a couple of Massholes and not knowing how cell phones work has got to sound pretty good right about now.

Let’s not forget, Pegula was the maestro who conducted this dog and pony show at the end of the season:

And rather than just do the, merciful thing by sparing Doug Whaley that humiliation or the decent thing that 999,999 out of a million businesses would have done, which is fire him that day, give him his exit interview and have security escort him out, they kept him around. Rather than hire a GM back in January, they put a Dead Man Walking in charge of their free agency period and conducting their draft. So now they have to hire a replacement who’s not only five months behind everyone else, he’s being handed a roster that is entirely not his. Guaranteeing that the only kind of guy who’ll take the job is someone who’ll put up with working in this cracker factory because he can’t get hired anywhere else.

By no means am I defending Doug Whaley, who was atrocious at his job. Three years ago he blew three picks to move up and gets Sammy Watkins at No. 4, and Watkins has 17 career touchdowns to show for it. He cheaped out on his restricted tenders to Chris Hogan and Mike Gillislee, essentially putting them at the end of his driveway with “Free Player” signs on them for the Patriots to load in their pickup and haul away. What I am saying is that any other team in the league would’ve had the common sense to can him before he had the chance to bungle another off-season. And this guarantees the new hire will come in and keep the dumpster fire burning. Bless you, Bills. Never, ever change.