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BREAKING: Ian Poulter Actually Gets To Keep His Tour Card After Inaccuracies Found

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Ummmmmmmm excuse me what? What a pile of horse shit this is. This just ruined my Saturday. Not even kidding. I’m literally at a bar dartying my face off and having a good time only to open my phone to see the worst news imaginable. Ian Poulter is keeping his tour card due to some math error or some shit. Unreal. What does that even mean? What kind of operation are they running over there at the PGA Tour? Me and Riggs have been dancing on Poulter’s grave for a solid 3 weeks only to have that joy snatched away from us because some nerds fucked up the math. We thought we were finally getting to fire the guy who has tried to get so many other people fired. Don’t we look like assholes. I want a written apology from the PGA Tour. I also want an independent investigation launched into exactly what “inaccuracies” are allowing this frosted tip fuck to keep his PGA Tour card. Something seems fishy. Sounds like they’re just making shit up as they go. Way too convenient. What horrible news on an otherwise beautiful Saturday.

#USA