This Sweet Looking Tinder Chick's High School Nickname Is The Biggest Catch-22 Imaginable

JG-itsarealdoubleedgedswordwhenyoudateagirlwhosenicknamewasSuckMachine

She seems like a nice girl, good head on her shoulders (pun not intended but now actually yes in fact intended), and I like that she can poke fun at herself. And obviously you don’t get the nickname “Suck Machine” without knowing your way around blowing into the ol meat whistle. But to be nicknamed Suck Machine in high school that’s a lot of sucking, man..and sucking man. Is the blowjob as good when you know there’s a chance the entire football team lined up to receive them like some sort of Brazzers scene come to real life? It’s a tough thing to decide. Either way, I applaud this girl for her achievements and hope she gets the recognition she deserves: Being added to Gilbert Arenas’s Best at Fellacio Blackberry list. (via JG)

And hey it’s the Tinder roundup with your old pal Spags. As is our tradition, here’s last night’s episode of the internet’s favorite dating livestream show Swipe Drunk Love where we had Tex give life coaching and Alyssa wear a see through shirt since Smitty was out:

You can also listen on Soundcloud but I would say Alyssa’s fashion choices are worth viewing:

And as always thanks to the folks who sent things in, make sure to follow me on Twitter and Instagram to DM in your screenshots, and now let’s go.

QT

(via QT)

W-miamiflopGREATERTHANnewyorkflop

Miami flop > New York flop (via W)

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Follow the @SwipeDrunkLove Instagram or Twitter to get bonus Tinder blog content every single day (Instagram in particular is blowing up lately)

TK-iwoulddateheronlyificouldusehernameinScrabble

I would date her only if that gave me the right to use her name in Scrabble (via TK)

MGF-sometimesyouseeaprofileanditslikewhatkindofpersonwouldateyou

Sometimes you see a profile and you have to wonder “What kind of person would honestly date you?” (via MGF)

LL-charlottetinderislookinginteresting

Charlotte Tinder is keeping things interesting (via LL)

ZD

(via ZD)

BL-greatwaytokeepasecret

Great way to keep a secret (via BL)

CB-youwantbigMILFtitsyougottapaytheprice

You want big MILF tits you gotta pay the big MILF tits tax (via CB)

LH-goodnewscommenters

Hey good news commenters (via LH)

C-ohtobesomewherewithaccessto18yearoldtennesseegirls

Oh to be somewhere with access to 18-year-old Tennessee girls (via C)

RC-PAIRWITHOTHERTENNESSEE18engagedandontinderbutdoesnthookupnevermindwhatisaidabouttennesseegirls

18, engaged, and on tinder but doesn’t hook up…nevermind what I said about Tennessee girls (via RC)

EW-ourgirlLaceyfromthebachelorouttheregrindingonbumblereppingtheBarstoolhockeyjerseyLINKTOSTORE

Our girl Lacey from The Bachelor out there grinding on Bumble repping the Barstool hockey jersey (via EW)

RM-lotstonoteherebutwhothefuckwantstobetalkedotlikeagrandma

Lots to note here but seriously who the fuck wants to be talked to like a grandma? (via RM)

JS-chicksonjewishdatingappsgoinghardoutthere

Chicks on Jewish dating apps going hard out here (via JS)

R1

R2-averypersonablememberoftheittybittytittycommittee

She seems like the Miss Congeniality of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee (via R)

AB-incaseyouveeverdreamedoffuckingachicksoflexibleitslikeshesposessedbythedevil

In case you’ve ever dreamed of fucking a chick so flexible it’s like she’s possessed by the devil (via AB)

AH

(via AH)

K-icantevenseekelseyandiknowihateher

I can’t even see Kelsey and I know I hate her (via K)

A-whenspotifytrollsyourtinderbiolessthan

When Spotify trolls your Tinder bio <<< (via A)

AD-bigtittedgirlshaveWAYmorefunthanblondes

Big titted girls have WAY more fun than blondes (via AD)

And onto the hot and NSFWish ones…

CT-hottestchickinthearmypossibly

Possibly the hottest Army chick ever? (via CT)

DM-thatbigtitconfidenceisunwavering

That big tit confidence is unwavering (via DM)

MA-HOTNSFWnottechnicallyaSpagsPromisebutimintoit

Not technically a #SpagsPromise but I’m into it(via MA)

GL1-HOTNSFW

GL2-HOTNSFWofficiallyapprovedsocialmediafollowoftheweekeventhoughsheshouldmodelherlingeriemore

Officially approved social media follow of the week, even though she should model her lingerie more on there (via GL)

MC-HOTNSFWfeministchickspagspromisesarelesssatisfuing

Feminist chick #SpagsPromises are less satisfying for me honestly (via MC)

D-HOTNSFWlowkeykindofadopenameespeciallyforagirlwhotakespissselfies

Low key kind of a dope name, especially for a girl who takes piss selfies (via D)

DM-HOTNSFWblesstheheartofwhateverwomanthoughtitwasagoodideatohavethistitmonsterashernanny

Bless the heart of whatever woman thought it was a good idea to have this tit monster as her nanny (via DM)

TH-HOTNSFWalittlenaturalhairSpagsPromiseneverhurtanybody

A little natural haired #SpagsPromise never hurt anybody (via TH)

JH-HOTNSFWthespagspromiseswhereyoureallyhavetoworktoseeitareprettyrewardingimo

The #SpagsPromises where you really have to work to see it are pretty rewarding imo (via JH)

CC-HOTNSFWiwouldratheruseitinasentenceIwouldbethoroughexaminingherasshole

I would rather use it in a sentence: I would be thorough examining her asshole (via CC)

AS-HOTNSFWpairwithiwouldratheruseLotsoflazygirlswhowontstandupthisweek

Lots of lazy girls who won’t stand up this week it seems (via AS)

L-HOTNSFWahotFSUspagspromisewhoswallowsisabigwin

A hot FSU #SpagsPromise who swallows seems like a prerequisite for being a girl going to school there (via L)

MA-HOTNSFWsneakyhugeassthere

How can you not love a white girl with a sneaky huge ass? (via MA)

And there we have it, another week in the books. Follow me on Twitter and Insta to DM in screenshots, thanks to the folks who sent stuff in, and happy swiping!