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Roger Goodell Is Keeping Players Safe By Keeping "Addictive and Unhealthy" Marijuana Banned

All praise Roger Goodell! All praise Roger Goodell! What a hero. While everyone wants to do the sticky icky, Goodell is doing what he always does and making the tough decision to keep the players safe. He has really revolutionized player safety, like how he won’t let his guys play on 4 days rest, or how he pushed for an 18 game season, or how team doctors pass out pain killers like candy.

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Are guys getting popped for DUIs all the time? Maybe so. Can players barely get out of bed because their bones are made of peanut brittle and held together by silly string? Possibly. But shout out to Rog for keeping them safe from THE WEEEEEEEEEDUHHHHH. Not all heroes wear capes.