A Broken Dildo Leads To A Broken Heart And Assault Charges

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FORT PIERCE — An argument over a broken sex toy led to a trip to jail for a husband and wife, arrest affidavits state.

Christerria Latoya Shantel Taylor, 25, and her 48-year-old husband, Rodney Wendell Taylor, were arrested after the April 17 incident involving an amorous aid in Fort Pierce. “Christerria advised she questioned her husband about breaking her vibrator,” an affidavit states.

A vibrator is a sex toy that vibrates.

She said a big argument started and he began choking her. She said he eventually got her handgun and said, “I will end you.”

First of all, let me apologize for the vulgarity in the quoted article. I don’t like to be so descriptive when describing vibrators because I recognize that this is a family website. I try to keep the sex talk off your screen. After all, how are you gonna explain a broken vibrator and verbal murder threats to your kids?

Now, let’s get into the weeds. Christerria, what happened to the vibrator, pal? Did it not shake enough? Was the tip broken? Was the cord ripped out? We don’t have enough information to know what was going on. But I think I can offer a little insight. Maybe ole Rodney shoved that fucker so far up his ass that it wouldn’t be able to see the sun for months. I bet that’s what happened. In fact, I’m sure of it. I know that from a cleanliness perspective you can’t be switching from ass to cooch. You’ll get an infection!

So, if you’ll allow me to put on my psychologist hat, I’d recommend that these two love birds invest in TWO sex toys: his and hers models, if I may.

Final note about this ugly situation. Hate to be Rodney. All your fellas are giving you shit about having a younger woman. “Your old dick gonna be able to handle all that young ass, ya sexy fuck? I doubt it. She’ll probably need a vibrator so much that when you invariably end up shoving it up your ass you’ll get in a fight so big that it’ll send you both to jail after she threatens to kill you.” And whattaya know… they were right. Listen to your friends, yall. They are there for a reason.