Iowa Press-Citizen- Police say an Iowa City man claimed a faulty belt was to blame after he dropped his pants in front two women. According to an Iowa City Police complaint, homeless man Vincent J. Vogelsang, 51, came across two women near the corner of Market and Dubuque streets at roughly 4 p.m. Tuesday, dropped his pants and made lewd and sexual gestures toward the females. Police located Vogelsang, who claimed, “My pants just fell down. My belt didn’t work,” according to police complaints. Vogelsang appeared intoxicated and provided a .264 blood alcohol content in a preliminary breath test. He has multiple prior intoxication charges in 2013, 2012 and 2004, according to police.
I gotta say, I’m actually pretty impressed by this guy. It was a valiant effort on his part. Good job good effort, crazy eyes. The guy was drunk as shit (.264 BAC to be exact) and he managed to come up with an excuse that is believable but totally not believable all at the same time. That’s not easy to do when you’re borderline blacked out. I wouldn’t be able to speak at .264 let alone have a cognitive thought. When you factor all of that in, this belt excuse isn’t half bad. You could’ve talked me into that being a legitimate reason. Like yeah, I’ve had trouble with belts before. Every guy has. Those things can be unpredictable. You forget to buckle it. You just don’t want to buckle it. You get too fat to buckle it and you don’t want to buy a new one. It’s conceivable that his belt just happened to malfunction at the wrong time when a couple women were walking by and whoops there’s his dick. There it is. Out there for everybody to see. In that context the women are just as at fault for looking as he is for dropping his pants (that’s not legally accurate). Completely accidental. You know what did him in? The lewd and sexual gestures. That’s what did it. He was golden up until those little details.