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Lake County Florida Sheriff's Department Is NOT Here To Fuck Around

If you can watch that video without laughing out loud then I don’t even want to know you anymore. These fucking guys are up there looking like superheroes in the first 15 minutes of a movie, when they don’t have their special suit yet so they’re just going to Sports Authority and grabbing anything to cover their face. I mean come on, fellas. You look like a bunch of goddamn dorks and it’s not even uniform. You’ve got ski masks and Under Armour cold gear and a bunch of gas station sunglasses. If you’re going to try and instill the fear of god into heroin dealers by giving a press conference that the villains in that aforementioned superhero movie then you’ve gotta look in uniform. How absurd would Darth Vader look if all his Storm Troopers were wearing different color helmets? Exactly.

Highlight of the whole video is at the end, though. Imagine how many times these dudes had to rehearse that? Sitting out back behind the Lake County sheriff’s office like, “GodDAMMIT, Johnson! I told you. When I say ‘Run’ you immediately turn to your right and walk off stage! It’s not that hard! How are we gonna solve the heroin epidemic if you can’t even exit stage right smoothly?!” Cops just murmuring to each other that they signed up to crack skulls not put on plays. Whole thing is 10 times more ridiculous than Dave’s most ridiculous press conference and it’s all topped off by that shuffle from the guy in the back. Trying to keep it cool and tough but just looking preposterous.

Go get that poison, though. Best of luck.