Play Jim Nantz Pretentious Masters Sunday Opening Monologue Bingo


It’s a tradition unlike any other: The Jim Nantz Masters Sunday opening monologue. And if, like me, you’re a fan of pretentious, overblown purple prose and grandiose, self-fellating gasbaggery, it’s the most highly-anticipated moment of the year. The montage that begins with a camera shot looking down Magnolia lane. The soaring string instruments. Sepia-toned slow motion shots of past champions. While Jim talks about ghosts and legends, plants and trees, magic and metaphysics. All ending with gentle, tinkly piano runs and the smug, magniloquent “Hello, friends” from his leather chair in Butler Cabin I’ve waited all year for. Every other major is a championship. The Masters is a religious experience. A cathedral in the pines. And Jim Nantz is its pope.

Enjoy, friends.