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Correct Opinion: Hitting A Dude Who Isn't Wearing A Cup Should Only Be Half A Penalty

Before we get started here let’s get a couple of things out of the way. 1) Intentionally spearing a guy in the dick is the biggest snake move in the game (i.e. Crosby the other week). 2) I hate Brad Marchand because I hate the Bruins because I hate all of you. And 3) we have no idea if Dotchin was wearing a cup or not last night. But from the looks of it, I’m gonna go ahead and say no.

Now that we have all of that out of the way and can confirm that I’m coming at this from a totally objective point of view, it’s time the NHL implement a rule where if you hit a dude in the nards who isn’t wearing a cup, the punishment should be cut in half right away. Marchand got 5 and a game for this spear right here. Marchand has played like a rat his entire career and even though he hasn’t earned this, I’m going to give him the benefit of the doubt. Because to me, it looks more like a cup check than a cold, calculated move straight for the cock and balls. I don’t think he was intentionally trying to give away a free vasectomy there. Still a total rat move that deserves to be called but people who are legitimately calling for a suspension here are out of their mind.

Because plenty of the fault lies on Jake Dotchin here (as long as he’s not wearing a cup). Now I’m not saying that he should wear one. That’s not my place to tell other guys how to live their life. But every time you prioritize comfort over safety and step on to that ice without a cup on, you know the risk you’re signing up for. You know that during any given shift, you could take a puck or a stick right to the cock and you have nobody to blame for the pain but yourself. Did he sell that spear? No. Getting hit in the dick kills. You’re going to drop like a sack of potatoes every time. But with a cup on he probably doesn’t go down as hard and the refs probably aren’t so quick to get Marchand out of the game. Granted, the rat bastard has earned himself that reputation so it’s hard to fault the refs. But the point remains that situations like this should be treated like high sticking penalties. Same way a high stick could either be 2-minutes or 4-minutes if there is blood, a spear to the dick should be 5 & a game or 2-minutes and a period if it turns out the dude whose nuts are now in his chest cavity wasn’t wearing a cup.

And yeah, if Marchand gets a suspension for this after Crosby got nothing for his sack tap on Ryan O’Reilly, then something is extremely fucky with this league. Again, I don’t like Brad Marchand and have no reason to be defending him. I’m just standing up for what I think is right.