The Worst Part About Hockey Season Coming To An End Is Jaromir Jagr Chopping Off His Glorious Flow
October 5, 2015. It was on this day that Jaromir Jagr announced that he would be resurrecting the legendary Jagr Mullet that he was known for back in the 90s. It was that day that everything in life started to make sense again. Jagr’s mullet is more than just a hairstyle. It seemingly restored order to the world when we, as a people, needed it the most. It was like a majestic little time machine that took us back to the days when Bill Clinton was getting blown in the Oval Office and the only thing to fear was fear itself, and the late fee that would come from when you could forget to return a VHS to BlockBuster. Life was good back then and Jagr’s beautiful mane is a small glimmer of hope in our darkest hours that life could again. Or at least it used to be.
That’s right, folks. It pains me to announce that Jaromir Jagr is chopping off that beautiful head of hair and the Florida Panthers are to blame. This was supposed to be the year where they turn the corner and become a legitimate contender. They made the playoffs for the first time in a few years last year but lost in the 1st round. They had a perfect blend of young and old talent on the team. Guys like Ekblad and Barkov and Huberdeau and Trocheck perfectly paired with guys like Jagr and Yandle and Luongo. But they shit canned Gallant, they had some injury issues, and now they’re 14 points out of a playoff spot with 4 games left on the season. Clearly it’s time for some serious change in Florida, I just wish it didn’t have to come to this.
So farewell, Sweet Prince. It was a pleasure to have known thee.
