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I'm Afraid A Lot Of Old People Will Die Too Early From Living At A Margaritaville Retirement Home

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Billboard- At some point, even Parrotheads need to add a bit of qualified nursing care to their routine of endless mai tais and cheeseburgers. Soon they’ll be able to find that in a paradise being built by their supreme leader, Jimmy Buffett courtesy of a planned string of Margaritaville retirement homes. According to the website for Latitude Margaritavile, the first of the communities is being planned in Daytona Beach, Florida, and it promises that the party will continue well into the golden years.

Jimmy Buffet is an entrepreneur and there’s noway around it. He knows audience. That audience is the cool elderly crowd. Old people can be very fun- just look at guys like Uncle Nino or Yoda. The old folk simply need a place to go wild and that is what our guy Jimmy capitalized on. From being a musical sensation to creating a massive chain of restaurants in beautiful places like Niagara Falls to hotels & casinos in Vegas, Jimmy has an empire. And now he’s turning that shit up to 11 with these retirement homes.

I’m pretty positive the Margaritaville Retirement Homes will be Jimmy’s most profitable investment to date. I’m imagining Vegas for the elderly. The Margaritaville retirement home will more than most likely be a singles-only establishment where a lot of sex will occur. The only couples that will be allowed to attend will be swingers.

There has to be a legitimate concern that too many people will die too early from living at this retirement home. I went to my first ever Jimmy Buffet tailgate this Summer and my God was it a riot. I know these ancient parrotheads can hang a bit, but they’re usually doing this once or twice a year when Buffet makes his way to their local concert venue. Can they do it every day? That could lead to a hell of a lot of death. Cheeseburgers in Paradise Heaven on deck.