Costco Will Soon Be Offering Home Delivery And I Cannot Be More Excited (As Long As They Listen To My Suggestions)

USA TODAY- A delivery service announced Tuesday that it will start making runs to Costco to pick up orders for customers, another move toward a world in which traditional retailers compete side-by-side with online sellers to move goods directly to homes. The service, Shipt, says it is launching its Costco service in Tampa and plans to expand to 50 markets and more than 30 million households by the end of the year.

Grocery delivery is the latest way retailers in a thin-margin industry compete for customers. Kroger has teamed with Uber. Wal-Mart has been conducting test runs with Uber and Lyft since last June. Instacart got a huge infusion of funding earlier this month. Other delivery services include Instacart, Amazon Fresh, Google Express and FreshDirect.

Shipt members pay a $99 annual fee for unlimited grocery deliveries. Customers have a one-hour window when the merchandise is dropped off.

Not sure if this falls under me being an old, washed dad or just a big fan of Costco. But this news moves the needle in the Casa de Clem. Sure going to Costco can be a fun time when it’s empty on a random Wednesday morning. However, most of the time it’s a goddamn war zone from the TVs all the way to the toiletries. Anyone that has ever gone to Costco on a Saturday knows that special feeling of wanting to run over your fellow man in an overcrowded parking lot or rip someone’s head off while waiting in a line that’s only 5 people deep but somehow involves a $1000 purchase every time. Being able to save myself the blood pressure spikes and potential of ending up in a paddy wagon once a month is a huge win.

However, there are a few holes in this plan. First off, I need free samples. That’s like 30% of the reason I go to Costco in the first place. Everyone knows that food tastes better when it’s free and even better when someone else is cooking said free food. But getting that food in a mini paper cup makes it somehow taste even better. The fact that people will buy a 50 pack of corndogs because of a 2 inch sample is all you need to know about the power of the free sample. I don’t need to choose my samples. In fact getting a surprise of what my free samples will be is half the fun. Nothing beats a good old fashioned grab bag in life.

Next up, I need the delivery guy to ask to see my Costco ID. There is nothing better than that rush of power and exclusivity than when you flash your Costco card and get the subtle nod from the doorman. I’ve never been a club guy, but I imagine this is what Club Dave feels like when he gets into the VIP section of a hot club.

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I also think you should have the option of having your items come boxed or unboxed (but with a box supplied). Because the way I can slap 20 different sized objects perfectly into a random mango box on some real life Tetris shit is honestly one of the few times I actually feel like a man.

Lastly and most importantly, I need Costco to offer to deliver food from the food court. You go to Costco for the bulk sizes and bargain prices, but you stay for the $1.50 hot dog and a drink followed up by the churro that should be for sale in the store but never is. And truth be told, the pizza isn’t terrible if you are in the mood for it.

So those are my demands. I need all four of these suggestions in place before I order online. Because being able to order vats of food with the click of a button is a little too much power for me to have. Your move, Costco.