Raspberry Preserves Are The Only Option For The Jelly In A PB&J

This story about NBA players and their <3 for PB&J has gotten a little conversation going on Twitter today

and everyone around the world wide web is debating the merits of different peanut butters or jellies.

Well let me come forth, and hear me clearly, there’s only one combo that’s acceptable for a good PB&J: Jiff, smooth peanut butter and Boone Maman raspberry preserves on cheap Wonder Bread. That’s it.

I know that there are some conflicting ideologies there, class preserves with cheap bread and cheap peanut butter, but the heart wants what the heart wants and my heart, an intelligent one, wants just that. Grape jelly people need not argue with me, for you are children at school lunch and I stopped fighting with people your age weeks ago.  Fancy bread people? You can go to hell too. The nostalgic mouth feel of some Wonder Bread has a huge affect on my sandwich enjoyment level.

Why preserves and cheap peanut butter, you ask? Well, it’s simple. Every sandwich needs a crunch, it’s why we put chips on our deli sangies, but a crunchy peanut butter dries your mouth out like you just ate half the beach and washed it down with a quicksand smoothie. You’ll spend the rest of your day jawing like a cokehead while you try and get remnants out of crevices of your mouth you didn’t know existed. But the preserves with the mini seeds provide you with the crunch while not drying you out.

That’s why it’s the perfect PB&J and if you disagree please take up with the nearest brick wall, not me.