David Ross Made His Dancing With The Stars Debut Last Night And He Did Not Suck
I’ll be honest with you, watching that performance filled me with panic and anxiety. But before I explain why, I just wanna say that in true Cubs fashion, David Ross did not suck. For a 40-year-old recently retired major league catcher, he was actually pretty good.
Dancing, though? Not for me. There is no dollar amount on earth that could ever get me to do something like this. I won’t dance at bars, I won’t dance at clubs, I didn’t dance at those middle school church dances. It’s just not for me, never has been, never will be. But I give ALL the credit in the world to white dudes who can pull it off.
I just know my role. I choose to be the stoic guy at the bar, and it just works for me. I’m a stand around, drink and socialize guy. You think the Undertaker dances when he goes out to bars? No. And look at how hot his wife is. Nothing on God’s green earth makes me more uncomfortable than being somewhere where everyone else is dancing and I’m not. I’ve often considered pulling fire alarms so that I have an excuse to get out of such situations.
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So, all the credit in the world to David Ross, who not only is a white guy who can’t dance, but is also doing so on national television. Literally my worst nightmare.