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Chandler Bing Bullied The Fuck Out Of Justin Trudeau In The 5th Grade


Time- Matthew Perry has a story about Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau that he’s not particularly proud of: “My friend Chris Murray, who was also in the fifth grade in Canada, reminded me that we actually beat up Justin Trudeau,” he confessed on Jimmy Kimmel Live Wednesday. Trudeau’s father, Pierre Trudeau, was serving as prime minister at the time, but Perry doesn’t think that was the reason they picked on their schoolmate. “I think he was excelling in a sport that we weren’t as [good at],” CBS’ Odd Couple star said. “So, it was pure jealousy.” He added, “I think he was the only kid in school we could beat up.”

Ha! Get to steppin’ Trudeau. Could you be….anymore emasculated? There should probably be a law that forbids you to be the leader of a country if Chandler Bing bullied your ass back in grade school. Ineligible to run if bullied by Chandler Bing is my official proposal. Other countries may have a lot of ammo on Trump, including him being stone cold stunnered or pissing on Russian broads, but I’d sure as fuck rather have that against me than my enemies having that I was bullied by Chandler Bing in their back pocket.

I get it that Trudeau’s dad was the prime minister at the time so he was probably a big target of bullying. I really do, but sheesh. Chandler is one of my favorite TV characters but let’s call a spade a spade here and admit he’s kind of a pussy. Guy refuses to eat Thanksgiving food because his parents got divorced on Turkey Day. His loss. I’d rather get bullied by fucking Gunther from Central Perk.

If I’m Justn Trudeau my next move would have to be to sentence Matthew Perry to a couple of years in Canadian jail. It’s definitely a wonderful way to save face for your country without doling out too harsh of a punishment. I don’t know if jail even exists in Canada although if it does there’s noway it’s too terrible. You probably get 1 or 2 meals a day along with a desert, poutine 4 times a week, no raping (just high-fives) and TSN on repeat.

It’s also nice to have a story enforcing my imaginative theory that everyone from Canada knows each other from their shitty past Canadian lives. I’m 99% sure that Seth Rogen runs the local comedy club in this fictional town while Alanis Morisettee and Bieber perform every Tuesday and alternating Fridays at the local theater, Gosling and Ryan Reynolds duke it out for hottest guy on the block daily, Justin Trudeau is of course the Prime Minister, Hayden Christensen is the resident homeless person, and Avril Lavigne is the town hooker.