As we all now know, last Thursday Dave found out that his mature-for-her-age girlfriend allegedly cheated on him multiple times with a retired hockey player. Upon hearing the fake news, jealous boyfriends and both of the girls on Twitter came out in droves to defend his honor.
Fast forward through the weekend and now the consensus on the internet seems to be that Dave should not even think about just letting the past be the past and testing the waters to see if they might still have something together. Keep in mind, this is despite the fact that she now has two times the amount of Instagram followers as she did when they were dating last week.
Although it goes against my brand to disagree with the majority opinion, tonight I would like to publicly double down on the advice that I gave to Dave on Barstool Radio this morning. No matter what it takes, I believe it is in his best interest to apologize for his wrong doings and begin to fight the war to win her back.
My reasoning for this potentially controversial stance is founded souly in facts. First and foremost, there is no actual evidence that she even cheated as many times as the masses are blindly assuming. Other than catching her red handed sexting, there is no other empirical evidence that she was unfaithful. Even though many internetters like to let their porn-tainted imaginations run wild, the fact is that her sequentially lying over and over does not constitute cheating. Just because you are a liar, that does not mean you are also an adulteress. To be frank, my opinion is that opposites attract and that someone as brutally honest as Dave needs a pathological liar in his life to help him lead a balanced lifestyle.
Although by itself persuasive, that is not the only reason that it’s in Dave’s best interest to convince her to take him back. I also know it’s the right thing to do because a rekindling of their fire would be a testament of Dave’s ability to get any girl he wants. He has said time and time again that people who think he fell for the first shiny coin on the ground are ignorant suckers. He had plenty of options and basically could have dated any northeastern college girl that he wanted. Luckily, he now has a chance to prove it.
What everyone might not know is that through all of the circus that’s followed these rumors of infidelity, she has backed up her claim that nothing happened by continuing to see and take classes with the newly single instructor. Although I personally think she is just playing hard to get and is using this bicycling bad boy as a pawn to convince Dave to fight for her love, many people see their continued relationship as proof that Dave could never get her back. This is exactly why Dave needs to sack up and go back into this burning building. Because when our hero does inevitably re-emerge with the damsel in distress draped over his arms, he will also have proven once and for all that he’s capable of even the most unlikely relationship.
In summary, I realize that even if he saves her there is a chance that nothing will remain of the old building that we all once adored but rubble and ash. However, if there is one thing that I know about my boss, it’s that much like other famous New York City builders that have a special way with women, he has what it takes to make something that was once sacred and pure great again. And he will.
Brick by brick.