Under New Proposed Law, Masturbating Texans Would Be Forced To Pay 100 Dollar Fine For Cumming

A Texas lawmaker is proposing a bill that would require men to be masters of their own domain … or be prepared to unload $100 in fines.
Jessica Farrar, a Democratic state representative, reportedly filed House Bill 4260 … which proposes that in addition to masturbation fines it would require rectal exams before getting a vasectomy, colonoscopy or Viagra prescription.
Jessica called her bill “satirical” in an effort to underscore the healthcare restrictions women face in Texas under GOP led lawmakers. In particular, she points out there are fines for “emissions outside a woman’s vagina,” and all potential abortion patients must read “A Woman’s Right to Know.”
She defended her bill, saying … “Texans deserve to be treated with the same amount of respect when making healthcare decisions, regardless of their gender.”

Hey, Jessica. I don’t have that type of money.

Also, the constitution. Ever heard of it? A little thing called the 5th amendment is still around. I absolutely will not announce to the government every time I touch myself to completion in the privacy of my own home. Furthermore, I will not subject myself to cum shame. It’s 2017. Dont you think it’s high time that we let folks do whatever they want to with their penises and pussies so long as everyone involved is a consenting adult? You wanna cum? Cum, my friends. You wanna get on some birth control? Do it. You wanna get a vasectomy? Go for it. You wanna ensure the fact that basic health needs and preventive medicine is supplied while ultimately curbing emergency medical procedures via an organization that focuses on women’s health? Fund it. I dare ya.

What I won’t tolerate is you tapping into my microwave in order to watch me cum in my bedroom whilst I’m alone. Microwaves are for popcorn and leftovers, not a tool to surveil me in order to fine me 100 dollars for getting the poison out. Don’t tread on me.

h/t andrew