Hordes Of Radioactive Wild Boars Have Taken Over Four Japanese Towns Six Years After A Nuclear Plant Meltdown

NY Times- They descend on towns and villages, plundering crops and rampaging through homes. They occasionally attack humans. But perhaps most dangerous of all, the marauders carry with them highly radioactive material. Hundreds of toxic wild boars have been roaming across northern Japan, where the meltdown of the Fukushima nuclear plant six years ago forced thousands of residents to desert their homes, pets and livestock. Some animals, like cattle, were left to rot in their pens. As Japan prepares to lift some evacuation orders on four towns within the more than 12-mile exclusion zone around the Fukushima plant later this month, officials are struggling to clear out the contaminated boars.

Wild boar meat is a delicacy in northern Japan, but animals slaughtered since the disaster are too contaminated to eat. According to tests conducted by the Japanese government, some of the boars have shown levels of radioactive element cesium-137 that are 300 times higher than safety standards. Officials have also expressed concern that returning residents may be attacked by the animals, some of which have settled comfortably in abandoned homes and have reportedly lost their shyness to humans.

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Look, I’m usually Team Human. When Pres talks about abandoning us for the inevitable alien invasion on The Rundown, it hurts me to my core as a member of a species that has absolutely DOMINATED this planet for centuries. Our ancestors survived the dinosaurs, the ice age, and most impressively, ourselves to sit atop the food pyramid in 2017.

But I am steadfastly on Team Animal in this case. These Japanese people had their chance to make sure this didn’t happen by either taking all their animals with them or burning everything before they left like after a battle above The Wall in Game of Thrones. Man has harnessed the atom for less than a century. We don’t know what kind of shit is going to happen when there’s a nuclear meltdown. Zombies, radioactive wildlife, etc. Which is why I am saying to just give up that 12 mile zone to the boars and call it a day. That shit belongs to the boars and all the other radioactive motherfuckers that survived the meltdown. I don’t think even Arian Foster would have a chance if Beebop showed up to his dinner table unannounced.

And I mean do you really want to move back to a place that can be described like this?

Since the nuclear crisis in Fukushima in 2011, video footage taken by journalists has shown packs of badly unkempt dogs scampering across roads. Rat colonies have overrun abandoned supermarkets. Farmland, transformed into grassland, has became a perfect habitat for wild boars and foxes.

Fuuuuuck that shit. That sounds like the beginning of a Final Fantasy game, not a habitable place that humans should be resettling. I don’t care if you were the big swinging dick of Fukushima with a mansion that could put 50 Cent’s episode of Cribs to shame. Your time in Northern Japan has come and gone. Your old home belongs to the toxic Puumbas now. Time to put your tail between your legs and Hakuna Matata your ass somewhere else.