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Church Is Open...Tebow Starts At DH Today For The Mets

Jesus Christ was born anywhere between 6 and 4 AD. He lived a humble life as the son of carpenter and it wasn’t until he turned 30 years old that he began to unleash his divinity on the world. Sure, he lived an important life before then, but his true purpose was not revealed until this age. We know not why God hid his son’s greatness until that time, but we trust in his process, for he is Good and works in Mysterious Ways. God was basically the original Sam Hinke. The founder of a long, often questionable process that tests the patience of its disciples but promises ultimate glory in the end.

And so now here we stand. A congregation of Mets fans. The blind leading the blind. A legion of lepers. We are the meek. We are the hopeless. We are the faithful. Walking in the shadow of the Yankees, trusting in the Baseball Gods that one day, we too shall see the light. The last 30 years have essentially been one, long, dark night. We have been waiting, Tim Tebow has been waiting. And now dawn is upon us. The sun peeks over the edge of the horizon, shining upon Flushing, casting us into the light. Today is smAsh Wednesday, and Tim Tebow will begin to perform his miracles. His on base percentage in Arizona was over .400, already a miracle in its own right. Just as Jesus walked on water, Tebow will walk the base paths. He will heal the sick – watch out for Travis d’Arnaud and Matt Harvey to reach their full potential with an injury free season. He will raise the dead – David Wright at the hot corner. And he will feed the multitudes. He will feed the starving Mets fans until they are content. Tebow’s Miracles begin today.

PS – Rather fitting that it begins against Boston. The sports version of Sodom and Gomorrah. Hedonistic animals drowning in championships. Sinners that need to be humbled and reminded that fandom should not be all pleasure and no pain. That it shouldnt be taken for granted. That fucking delinquent Carrabis needs to be smited.