This Candidate for Governor of Arizona Bragging About His Sex Life is the Hero America Deserves

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DM - In an attempt to stop scandals from hindering his campaign for Arizona governor – one candidate has taken transparency to extreme lengths.

After announcing his campaign last week, Noah ‘Noe’ Dyer posted on his website, under a tab titled ‘Scandal and Controversy’ the explicit details of his sexual history. …

Beneath the heading of Sex, the website states outright: ‘Noah has had both deep and casual sexual experiences with all kinds of women. He is an advocate of open relationships.

‘He’s had group sex and sex with married women. He has sent and received intimate texts and pictures, and occasionally recorded video during sex.’ …

He also describes being divorced, which has left him with custody of his three children 30 percent of the time.

He also claims to have ‘technically been homeless, and has enjoyed extended periods of couch surfing, living in offices, and other uncommon living arrangements’.

If this isn’t a great American success story, then I don’t know what is. Your classic rags to riches story. A tale about a man pulling himself up by the bootstraps, going from crashing on couches and sleeping in offices to a father of three, bragging to the world about orgies, banging married women, sex videos and dick pics. Now only one campaign away from being the governor of the great state of Arizona. Noe Dyer is like a modern day Abe Lincoln, if Lincoln ran on a platform of “deep and casual sexual experiences with all kinds of women” instead of ending slavery and saving the Union.

Future Governor-elect Dyer is the perfect candidate for the 21st century. I mean, what are his opponents going to say against him? He’s a sick fuck and a terrible parent with a douchey, punchable face who spends way too much time trimming his perfect four-day stubble? That’s his campaign platform. And how would Putin go after him? Keep a dossier on all his perversions? He does them in front of crowds. The man is hack proof. His website is basically his Ashley Madison profile. Hell, he’ll probably post the videos as his own October Surprise. Sure, it’s bad if you’re in the Opposition Research business. But if you’re a fan of politicians who are into group sex, breaking up marriages and putting their kids in mental hospitals, I think we’ve found our next president.