Derek Jeter Is Going To Be A Father

YEEEEEEEEAH JEETS! Poor Jeets is on the fast track now that he held out for nearly 40 years. Two decades of slaying everything from A List celebrities down to Tampa club rats, Jeets lived arguably the greatest life of all time. But he hung up the cleats, said I do, and now got a chick knocked up all in a matter of like 18 months. Thats the price you pay for living the exact lifestyle every man wants with blatant disregard for the feelings of women, and really any other human around you. Its time to pay the piper for Derek Jeter. And there’s not doubt that after like 25 years and piping women left and right, he’s doomed to a life of several daughters.

So today, we honor Derek Jeter and George Clooney. That poor bastard George cursed with twins. I dont want to hate on these legends of the game, but I’d be lying if I didnt say I’m a little happy to see that time eventually catches up to everyone. No Man can run forever. No Man can live the bachelor life of happiness for eternity. Not Jeets. Not George. Sooner or later, you WILL run into one woman who is some sort of sorceress that can charm the snake back into your pants and tame you. Every man eventually breaks. We all die unhappy: bloggers, cube monkeys, pro athletes and actors alike.

Open invite to DJ and George to come on the Podfathers this week! You guys are FUCKED!