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This 18-Year-Old Rocket Has One Of The Wildest Tinder Bio Confessions I've Ever Seen For Real

BS-MAYBELEAD

A million thoughts racing through my head at once but taking it from the top: 1) Mental note to remember to masturbate to this situation later 2) I’m going to take this claim at face value because really I refuse to live in a world where a girl lies about a situation Spankbang has convinced me could be such fun for the whole family as long as it doesn’t involve my whole family 3) And probably most importantly…this is the hottest potential Tinder situation ever right? I mean yeah incest is technicallyyyy kinda gross and an affront to God but this is hot daughter/potentially even hotter mom incest, they can’t have a baby, I’d like to think that even God would look down and give a thumbs up if He’s not too busy not existing or whatever.

And we’re shooting out like a cannon with this week’s Tinder roundup. Help a brother out and check out the latest episode of Barstool’s dating podcast Swipe Drunk Love while you read up:

You can also take it on the go with you via Soundcloud. This week the People’s Hardo Smitty, Alyssa Rose and I talked breakups, Smitty admitted he wishes he were gay, Tex did Tex things, I inadvertently Dennis Reynolds’d myself, we’ve got a lot going and your support goes a long way.

Thanks to the folks who continue to send in screenshots, make sure to follow me on Twitter (or Instagram) to DM in yours, and let’s get to it!

KR

(via KR)

S-prettyelitecompanyforthebossman

Pretty elite company for the boss man tbh (via S)

CC-wellatleastshedoesntwanttodoitDaly

Well at least she doesn’t want to do that Daly (via CC)

A-themostreasonablegirlprofileeverputonanapp

This has to be one of the most reasonable girl profiles ever put on an app (via A)

BG-iheargoodelllovesthischickbutialsodontplaycloseattention

I hear Roger Goodell loves this girl but I thought he was married (via BG)

M-scaryandvaguelyresemblingWednesdayAddamsisnotalookiwouldrunawayfrom

Scary and vaguely resembling Wednesday Addams is so not a look I would run away from (via M)

AS-iftheresonepersonyoucantrustwithalternativemedicineitisanoccasionaladultbaby

If there’s one person you can trust with alternative medicine it’s definitely an adult baby (via AS)

GH-noteithinkslappingherinthefaceissupposedtobeforsexualpurposesnotbecauseofherstupidpitfur

Note: I think slapping her in the face is supposed to be for sexual purposes and not because of her stupid pit fur (via GH)

RB-itsfunnythatsomedudeoutthereprobdoesntknowBarstoolandseesClubDaveandthinksweirdshedpostapicwithherdadattheclub

It’s funny that some dude out there probably doesn’t know Barstool and sees Club Dave and thinks “Weird that she’d post a pic in the club with her dad” (via RB)

ECS1

ECS2-THESHOEISONTHEOTHERFOOTNOWKATHERINEgoodluckfindingloveorwhatever

WELL WELL NOW THE SHOE IS ON THE OTHER FOOT ISN’T IT KATHERINE???(via ECS)

JB-thisweeksreminderimreallystartingtothinkyouvegottolookattheeyebrowsmorewhentryingtospotatransgirl

This week’s reminder I’m really starting to think you’ve got to take a close look at a chick’s eyebrows to spot a trans girl (via JB)

IDM-iwastoldthiswassomeofthehoustontalentavailableduringtheSuperBowlstillprobablywouldhavegottenintotheBarstoolparty

I was told this was some of the Houston talent available during the Super Bowl and we still probably could have used her to balance out the gender ratio at the Barstool Party (via IDM)

JVB

(via JVB)

BG-somethingsshouldjustbecommonsense

Some things should probably just be common sense (via BG)

TA-thatsexactlywhatledShaniaTwaintowritetheFeellikeawomansong

Urban legends say that’s exactly what led Shania Twain to write her “Feel Like A Woman” song (via TA)

MJ-INSERTSHEBANGS

(via MJ)

CM-soshelikesAsianguyssorryAsianguys

So she likes Asian guys? (honestly sorry Asian guys, we need a more fair 2017 small dick stereotype to make easy jokes at the expense of) (via CM)

ZR1

ZR2-thismaybeaweirdvaluejudgmentbutsheseemstoonormalprettytobedumbenoughtobepregnantandontinder

This may be a weird value judgment but she seems too normal girl pretty to be dumb enough to be pregnant and on Tinder (via ZR)

MA1

MA2-idontbelieveininfringinguponthe2ndamendmentbutthisgirlsdadneedstonotownagun

I don’t believe in infringing upon the 2nd amendment but this girl’s dad should be barred from owning a gun (via MA)

And onto the hot and NSFWish ones…

MS-HOTNSFWthisislikekickyourgirloffacliffandnotevenfeelahintofremorsehotnesshere

This is like kick your girl off a cliff and not even feel a hint of remorse hot status here (via MS)

CS-HOTNSFWfitnessisimportantifyouwanttobeafeaturedSpagsPrmise

Fitness is important if you want to be a featured #SpagsPromise (via CS)

NJ-HOTNSFWwhenthegirlandherfriendcantfitthebootyinasinglecameraframe

When the girl and her friend can’t fit the booty in a single camera frame >>> (via NJ)

ML-HOTNSFWihavetoimagineveerySpagsPromisegirlisafreespiritonsomelevel

I have to imagine every #SpagsPromise girl is a free spirit on some level (via ML)

TP-HOTNSFWafaceunseenspagspromiseisadangerousgameimplayingbutshes18whynot

A face unseen #SpagsPromise is a dangerous game I’m playing but she’s 18, why not (via TP)

JG-HOTNSFWtoughtotellifthatsbadhugeorgoodhugebutshesBraziliansoillgivethebenefitofthedoubt

Tough to tell if that’s bad huge or good huge but she’s Brazilian so I’m giving her the benefit of the doube (via JG)

JG-HOTNSFWyoudontfuckthisspagspromiseshefucksyouandimperfectlyokwiththatinthissituation

You don’t fuck this #SpagsPromise, she fucks you and I’m perfectly okay with that in this situation (via JG)

DP-HOTNSFWsothisposeisbecausehersinklookslikeadickright

So this pose is because her sink looks like a dick right? (via DP)

MM-HOTNSFWaspagspromiseislikepizzaevenifitsbaditsstillprettygood

A #SpagsPromise is like pizza, even if it’s bad it’s still pretty good (via MM)

M-HOTNSFWbloggerfreelancerinsocialmediaisafancywaytosaythisisanUnemployedspagspromise

Blogger/freelancer in social media is a fancy way to say this is a nice unemployed #SpagsPromise (via M)

PA-HOTNSFWspagspromisefromanAnastasiaAshleylookalikenice

A #SpagsPromise from an Anastasia Ashley lookalike? Nice (via PA)

N-HOTNSFWWheresAreola

The hottest new children’s book Where’s Areola (via N)

SDD-HOTNSFWverySanFranciscogirlmoves

Very San Francisco girl moves (via SDD)

TRC-HOTNSFWyepthisoneisaworthwhilesocialmediafollowoftheweek

Yep this one is a worthwhile social media follow of the week (via TRC)

GM1

GM2-HOTNSFWitsnicewhenyougetthegirlbeforeandafterthespagspromisemakesyoufeellikeyouearnedit

it’s nice when you see the girl before and after the #SpagsPromise, makes you feel like you earned it (via GM)

BMT-HOTNSFWioncehookedupwithatangirlwhospellshernamelikethisgirlandthatstheclosestiveeverbeentohookingupwithablackgirlbarstoolconfessions

I once hooked up with a tan girl who spelled her name like this one and that’s the closest I’ve ever been to hooking up with a black girl #barstoolconfessions (via BMT)

AM-HOTNSFWalilerasernipSpagsPromiseisnothingtosneezeat

A lil eraser nip #SpagsPromise is nothing to sneeze at (via AM)

MW-HOTNSFWnothingmakesmefeellikeivedoneagoodjobthanwheniseeachicklikethisandimalreadyfollowingheronInstagram

Nothing makes me feel like I’ve (via MW)

AS-HOTNSFWshouttoPittsburghfordefyingexpectedbikinibuttstereotypes

Shout to Pittsburgh for defying expected bikini butt stereotypes (via AS)

RZ-HOTNSFWverysexygirlthatmustget10xhotterifyouvegotamonkeyfetish

Very sexy girl that must get 10x hotter if you also happen to have a monkey fetish (via RZ)