This 18-Year-Old Rocket Has One Of The Wildest Tinder Bio Confessions I've Ever Seen For Real

Chris Spags2/10/2017 8:15 PM

A million thoughts racing through my head at once but taking it from the top: 1) Mental note to remember to masturbate to this situation later 2) I’m going to take this claim at face value because really I refuse to live in a world where a girl lies about a situation Spankbang has convinced me could be such fun for the whole family as long as it doesn’t involve my whole family 3) And probably most importantly…this is the hottest potential Tinder situation ever right? I mean yeah incest is technicallyyyy kinda gross and an affront to God but this is hot daughter/potentially even hotter mom incest, they can’t have a baby, I’d like to think that even God would look down and give a thumbs up if He’s not too busy not existing or whatever.

And we’re shooting out like a cannon with this week’s Tinder roundup. Help a brother out and check out the latest episode of Barstool’s dating podcast Swipe Drunk Love while you read up:

You can also take it on the go with you via Soundcloud. This week the People’s Hardo Smitty, Alyssa Rose and I talked breakups, Smitty admitted he wishes he were gay, Tex did Tex things, I inadvertently Dennis Reynolds’d myself, we’ve got a lot going and your support goes a long way.

Thanks to the folks who continue to send in screenshots, make sure to follow me on Twitter (or Instagram) to DM in yours, and let’s get to it!

(via KR)

Pretty elite company for the boss man tbh (via S)

Well at least she doesn’t want to do that Daly (via CC)

This has to be one of the most reasonable girl profiles ever put on an app (via A)

I hear Roger Goodell loves this girl but I thought he was married (via BG)

Scary and vaguely resembling Wednesday Addams is so not a look I would run away from (via M)

If there’s one person you can trust with alternative medicine it’s definitely an adult baby (via AS)

Note: I think slapping her in the face is supposed to be for sexual purposes and not because of her stupid pit fur (via GH)

It’s funny that some dude out there probably doesn’t know Barstool and sees Club Dave and thinks “Weird that she’d post a pic in the club with her dad” (via RB)

WELL WELL NOW THE SHOE IS ON THE OTHER FOOT ISN’T IT KATHERINE???(via ECS)

This week’s reminder I’m really starting to think you’ve got to take a close look at a chick’s eyebrows to spot a trans girl (via JB)

I was told this was some of the Houston talent available during the Super Bowl and we still probably could have used her to balance out the gender ratio at the Barstool Party (via IDM)

(via JVB)

Some things should probably just be common sense (via BG)

Urban legends say that’s exactly what led Shania Twain to write her “Feel Like A Woman” song (via TA)

(via MJ)

So she likes Asian guys? (honestly sorry Asian guys, we need a more fair 2017 small dick stereotype to make easy jokes at the expense of) (via CM)

This may be a weird value judgment but she seems too normal girl pretty to be dumb enough to be pregnant and on Tinder (via ZR)

I don’t believe in infringing upon the 2nd amendment but this girl’s dad should be barred from owning a gun (via MA)

And onto the hot and NSFWish ones…

This is like kick your girl off a cliff and not even feel a hint of remorse hot status here (via MS)

Fitness is important if you want to be a featured #SpagsPromise (via CS)

When the girl and her friend can’t fit the booty in a single camera frame >>> (via NJ)

I have to imagine every #SpagsPromise girl is a free spirit on some level (via ML)

A face unseen #SpagsPromise is a dangerous game I’m playing but she’s 18, why not (via TP)

Tough to tell if that’s bad huge or good huge but she’s Brazilian so I’m giving her the benefit of the doube (via JG)

You don’t fuck this #SpagsPromise, she fucks you and I’m perfectly okay with that in this situation (via JG)

So this pose is because her sink looks like a dick right? (via DP)

A #SpagsPromise is like pizza, even if it’s bad it’s still pretty good (via MM)

Blogger/freelancer in social media is a fancy way to say this is a nice unemployed #SpagsPromise (via M)

A #SpagsPromise from an Anastasia Ashley lookalike? Nice (via PA)

The hottest new children’s book Where’s Areola (via N)

Very San Francisco girl moves (via SDD)

Yep this one is a worthwhile social media follow of the week (via TRC)

it’s nice when you see the girl before and after the #SpagsPromise, makes you feel like you earned it (via GM)

I once hooked up with a tan girl who spelled her name like this one and that’s the closest I’ve ever been to hooking up with a black girl #barstoolconfessions (via BMT)