NH Man Learns the Hard Way Not to Tell His Heavily-Armed, Bipolar Girlfriend Her Spaghetti Dinner is Just OK

Merrimack, NH – Police responded to Webster Green Condominium Complex for a domestic disturbance Saturday at about 2:35 p.m. Officers met with a resident of the complex who said that his girlfriend, Jodi Ecklund, was in the apartment and damaging property.

The boyfriend told police that Ecklund had made him a spaghetti dinner and asked him how it was. He replied with “OK,” and said Ecklund then went “bipolar” on him.

Ecklund allegedly assaulted the boyfriend by punching him in the face, punching him in the arm and scratching his hand. He left the apartment and heard Ecklund lock the door, according to court documents.

Two firearms – a Glock 9mm and a M4 rifle – were in the apartment … She then told police that she would kill them if they entered the apartment and would harm herself, confirming there were guns inside.

Ecklund began to barricade herself in the apartment. Officers said they attempted to gain access in, and while doing so Ecklund told them they could come in now that she had the safety off.

Let this be a lesson to you all. The biggest lie ever told is that the keys to a good relationship are honest and communication. Counselors all say it. Advice columns. Dr. Phil. Self-help books. The priest at my Catholic church Pre-Canae marriage prep classes said it.

But honest communication has rarely been tried and never, ever worked. It comes down to a simple choice. Do you want to listen to the day time talk shows and tell your bipolar girlfriend her spaghetti dinner needs work and find yourself staring down the barrel of a Glock in the hands of a psycho? Or listen to your pal Jerry who’s coming to you with over 20 years of flight hours and telling you to lie through your goddamned teeth, keep the peace and after she goes to bed open a can of Spaghettios.

My other advice would be to not move in with a bipolar chick who can’t boil pasta and open a jar of Ragu. But if you must, either sell your guns or learn to lie better.