Surveillance video from a recent Florida burglary attempt could double as a commercial for impact-resistant glass.
Footage released by Port St. Lucie police shows an attempted break-in at a Mobil gas station from early Tuesday morning. The video shows two heavily disguised suspects walk up to the locked doors and start pounding on the glass with a hammer.
The glass cracks on the second strike, but does not break — even after some body slams from the would-be burglars. After about a minute, they apparently decide to give up.
“The suspects then fled the scene in shame,” the police department Facebook post observed.
You had one job, burglars. One fucking job. Smash, grab, leave. That’s all the life of crime really requires. And they couldn’t even accomplish part 1. The smash. One good, clean smash makes the entire job easier. No shards of broken glass that can cut you and leave behind a pool of DNA, and no struggle to get in and out, no wasted time at all. It’s the most important part of the job because one second could be the difference between making off with boxes upon boxes of gas station Honey Buns, or ending up in the back seat of a cop car.
But these guys just couldn’t do it. To the point where I’m beginning to wonder if that was me breaking into the gas station. Like, it’s definitely plausible I got blacked out, wound up in Florida, and was craving some gas station food. That’s how weak these burglars were. And then they just whimpered away with their tails between their legs. Worst break in attempt these eyes have ever seen. You can’t bring that cream cheese to the big leagues of the crime life. Time for them to hit the weights and try again.