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Tourist Tries To Pick Up A Shark Out Of The Water To Take A Selfie, Promptly Gets Bitten

NYDN- A 35-year-old tourist visiting the beaches of Fernando de Noronha found out the hard way that it’s not a good idea to try and take a selfie with one of the deadliest fishes in the world. The woman, whose name has not been released, was vacationing in Brazil when she spotted a baby lemon shark swimming near the water’s edge.

The woman only suffered minor injuries and required a few stitches on her hand, Express UK reported. Her wallet, however, took a bigger hit. The outlet reported that the tourist and her boyfriend were charged with animal cruelty and fined over $6,000 for the incident.

Unlike my coworker, I’ve never been a big fan of sharks. They may have feelings, but they have eyes deader than KFC’s soul, razor blade teeth that would chop you up in an instant, and just a general shitty demeanor. But I have to admit I was Team Shark during this video. If you willfully pick up a shark, you deserve to get bitten. That’s just disrespecting the street cred that sharks have been building up for centuries. What the hell is wrong with this chick? I don’t care if it’s just a tiny shark. It’s still a shark nonetheless.

I actually wish that little fucker had taken this chick’s arm clean off like she was a character in a Star Wars movie. Too many of these dickhead tourists have been messing with animals all for that perfect selfie and it was about time the animals fought back. I hope King Triton rounded up all of the ocean’s creatures and gave a fiery speech that would have made Bud Kilmer blush. Telling sharks to bite arms and dicks off if people get too close. Crabs better tool up and take off every toe they see in the ocean. And dolphins? They’ve earned the right to Terry Tate anyone that comes in the ocean since they have been the biggest victims of people needing a fresh Instagram selfie. I’m a pool guy anyway. Let the ocean turn into a war between human and fish/aquatic mammal. I’ll be happily sitting in my much cleaner, much warmer chlorinated pool.