Another Super Bowl in the books. What a game. What a comeback. But we all know the real battle wasn’t between the Patriots and Falcons. It wasn’t between Brady and Ryan. It was between you and your bookie. Sitting by the TV with a stopwatch for the anthem, making everyone be quiet so you could listen for Donald Trump name drops, reading the fine print on payouts for halftime songs. THAT is what the Super Bowl is all about.
As for the Kmarko picks we came out a very solid 5 out of 8, with No Action on the Gatorade shower. Felt like we were doing better throughout the game, but Blount having a dud game and Gaga messing around with her song choices threw it off a bit. Let’s recap each one and break down how it went –
Luke Bryan: Under 2:09 (WINNER)
National Anthem is always the most important prop bet. Sets the tone for the entire night. You start the night 0-1 you might as well just shut the game off, take an Ambien and go to sleep. All that research you put in, all the YouTube analysis, and 3 minutes into the broadcast you’re already taking a massive L. So yes winning this one was absolutely clutch, and I owe it all to the Mad Maestro.
As you saw I originally had the over, but after a last minute email from the Maestro fresh off of marching band practice, he convinced me to switch to the under. And as Luke Bryan started belting it out, I got a bad bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. Dragged that first half out pretty long. Everyone at the party who had the over jumping up and down high fiving after 30 seconds. But as they say there are two halves to every anthem. Luke cruised through the rest and finish a nice comfortable 5 seconds under the 2:09…and WAY under the 2:15 that a lot of people were getting.
Shout of Luke for the briskly efficient Anthem, America salutes you.
Coin Flip: Tails (WINNER)
Tails fails 50% of the time, never when I pick it to make some cash money though. George H W The God with the perfect flip and an easy 2-2 start to the night.
First TD: LeGarrette Blount (LOSER)
Loser, big loser. Granted this is a lot harder than a Heads or Tails, Over or Under, Yes or No question. Just picking from the whole field of players and guessing who will score first. But I had a big gut feeling that Blount would dominate this game so I went with it – turns out my gut is a total asshole. 11 carries for 31 yards and pretty much a non factor. However, spin zone, Blount technically WAS responsible for the first TD of the game with that massive backbreaking fumble sooo. Might have my lawyers take a look at the fine print on that one, see if I can at least work it down to a push.
Trump’s Name Mentioned: Under 1.5 (WINNER)
Big winner here. At no time was Trump even close to being mentioned. Seriously once they showed Pence without a mention of Trump it was clear it would not be coming up for the rest of the game. Told you, everyone thinks the “hot topic” in the news is going to translate to an NFL broadcast, but the truth is the announcers just don’t care about the real world.
Gaga First Song: Poker Face (LOSER (for me))
Another year, another halftime song controversy. Couldn’t get a definitive ruling on this for like 45 minutes. Personally I thought I had lost instantly once she dropped the God Bless America on everyone’s head, and even if that didn’t count, she opened with Edge of Glory for a hot second. But at the same time, I was getting blown up on Twitter – “great call with Poker Face, Kmarko the Goat, How do you do it every year Kmarko, you’re a psychic.” Very confused to say the least. But when you think about it, this happened with Coldplay too – they played a quick clip of a song first, but the ruling went towards the first full song they played. And if you consider it has to be one of the artist’s original songs…that would cancel out God Bless America and Edge of Glory. Real time spin zoning.
Unfortunately I was using Bovada for all my official rulings and they went with an official “Other” so I took the L on that, not sure what everyone else who got Poker Face paid out was using, but you’re welcome.
Celtics Points > Julio yards (WINNER)
Shout out to our resident Boston sports experts Coley and Jerry nailing this one ON THE HEAD.
There was a period of time, specifically that one drive where I would have casually estimated Julio would end up with 225 yards. But that Pats D Jerry was talking about put the clamps on and, except for that one absolutely incredible catch, basically made him a non factor for the rest of the game.
Bob Kraft Shown: Over 2.5 (WINNER)
Easiest one of the night. I think final count was like 8 times. I just didn’t get this line from the jump. Of course they would show Bob Kraft??? The owner of the team in the Super Bowl?? Just bizarre stuff here from Vegas. I’ll tell you what though, we should have jumped on the Gisele one also. LOTTTTT of face time for Tom’s boo.
Speaking of – picture of the night.
MVP Mention: NO ONE (LOSER)
Brady mentioned his teammates then specifically thanked the fans, so I’m not sure what is paying out for people, but I do know that “thanking nobody” was a loser. I was actually kicking myself for not going “family” especially with the mom stuff going on, but fortunately that didn’t play out.
Fucking Brady, being a nice thankful guy and shit.
Gatorade Bath: Blue (NO ACTION)
No Gatorade shower. Sucked. Was getting a bunch of reports (tweets. A few tweets sent to me.) that the Pats were seen drinking blue Gatorade on the sidelines. Would have been a HUGE 15/2 payout on that one, but at the end of the day we gotta take a push and end the day 5/8. Not bad.