No Football? No Problem. Barstool Preview of Bruce’s USMNT vs Serbia
Sam’s Soccer Safe Space for Stoolies
Hi haters,
I realize a lot of you will not have understood the title of this blog and are only reading this because you thought it might be about Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Sucks for you but thanks for the click.
As for the rest of you, it’s time to discuss the dawn of a new, post-Klinsmann era for the US Men’s National SOCCER Team. Sometimes change is scary. Not so much this time though as a change was necessary and may ultimately prove to be a breath of fresh air after patience with Jurgen finally ran out following consecutive losses to Mexico and Costa Rica last November that has left Trump’s America in a deep hole from which we must extricate ourselves in order to qualify for Pooty’s World Cup in 2018.
No, seriously, his hands were tiny… he might be a circus folk
The first two games under Bruce Arena take place this afternoon (vs Serbia) and on Friday (v Jamaica). What should we be watching for? I’m so glad you axed…
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USMNT
So let’s get to your questions one by one…
“When is it and how can I watch?”
USMNT vs SERBIA
Time: 3:15 pm CT
TV: espn2
Location: Qualcomm Stadium (San Diego, CA)
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“Are these must-win games?”
No, silly goose, these are just friendlies so the final score doesn’t matter much at all outside of some modest impact on the FIFA’s [make-believe] World Rankings that come out every month or so and are usually fun to laugh at.
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“Well then why should I watch?”
That’s a better question. What everybody is looking for first and foremost is a clear and consistent strategy from Arena. Jurgy had a tendency to switch tactics and formations three or four times per half (rough guesstimate), which drove fans crazy and clearly left many players confused.
It is important to note that these two friendlies are NOT being played on an explicit FIFA international break so teams do not have to release players for national team duty. That is one reason why the US roster for the games is made up entirely of guys who play in North America – meaning you won’t be seeing the likes of Fabian Johnson or Christian “Die Wahrheit” Pulisic out there this week.
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“Waaaaaaaaaaaait a second, no Wondolowski?”
YES! IT’S TRUE! NO WONDO! IS 2017 THE BEST YEAR OR IS 2017 THE BEST YEAR EVER?!
(Note: this is where I feel obligated to point out that Wondo seems like a great guy and has had a fantastic MLS career… but the sooner we give some experience to some of the new blood like Jordan Morris and Juan Agudelo the better.)
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“What’s our lineup look like?”
I intentionally held off on post this to wait for US Soccer to release the starting XI and they certainly took their sweet ass time, finally tweeting it out at 2:29pm CT. Anyway, here is what we got:
A couple of fresh faces out there that some of you may not recognize. Here are some surprises/things to watch:
• Altidore up top, no surprise there, but the fact he is all alone means Arena is going with a pretty conservative – I’ll be honest and say that I don’t exactly love that but it is a quintessentially Bruce approach to the game.
• Reboot for Nagbe… when last we heard from the recently naturalized midfielder he was in a spate with Klinsmann but now he’s back and will be teamed up with Kljestan and Bedoya as attacking(ish) mideiflders. Time to show us something.
• Bradley plus Jones, together again… time is a flat circle. Don’t love it. Should be fine against the Serbia’s (and Jamaica’s) of the world though.
• Graham Zusi at RB… he’s been a midfielder for much of his career so playing in the back will take some getting used to, but he has the motor to make the overlapping runs and is thought to be a very good crosser (though he’s had some poor efforts in the national team jersey on that front).
• Burnbaum and Marshall at CBs… let’s just say they have a lot to prove.
• Nick Rimando in net… with Tim Howard getting a bit old and racist-y, and Brad Guzan out of form (and on the bench at Boro – though heading to MLS this summer), it looks like Arena is giving Hugo Chavez’s stunt double a shot to move up the depth chart, though who knows what it will mean long term since Bill Hamid and Stefan Frei might have started if not for injuries.
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PREDICTION:
USMNT to win 2-1
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There you have it. We all got rich betting on FA Cup and now we get to watch Uncle Sam drop our red, white and blue balls on some Eastern Europeans. If that’s not a weekend to write home about I don’t know what is. Full slate of EPL games coming up on Tuesday and Wednesday. Don’t miss me too hard. (In the meantime set you DVR for Comedy Central tomorrow night to catch Katz, KFC and Portnoy’s live national television debut. Vegas odds are currently +175 that Dan pees his pants on camera at some point during the week.)
Member that time Pres coached the USMNT? Gone but not forgotten…
Holler,
Samuel Army