Veterinarians Are Fake And Don't Know What They're Talking About

Those of you who were around for the Barstool Dog Show know my dog Maisey. She’s (probably) the first golden doodle ever and she’s beautiful and perfect. She’s also fourteen, no spring chicken but an old dog.

Well, we recently learned that she had a cancerous tumor pressing on her bladder. It took countless trips to the vet to come to this conclusion, trips that always ended with our younger puppy, Maddie, greeting her upon return with remarkable and heartbreaking concern, like she knew exactly where Maisey had been and needed to know exactly what the “doctor” said. Real human shit, if you feel me.

A week or so later Maisey came down with it. She was very sick and shitting in the house fairly often, something she hadn’t done in 14 years. We thought the worst and my mom called me to come home and say my goodbyes. Next, she called the vet and they said, “Yeah, that’s what we thought would happen. Sounds like we’re gonna have to put her down. Bring her in Monday.” So I rushed home, laid on the floor with my dog, cried with my dog, spent as much time as possible with her, and when I had to go to come back to the Electric Chair of Electric Chairs I kissed Maisey, she burped in my face, I laughed, then ran out the door because if I had to have a last memory I wanted it to be that one.

Fast forward to a few days later and guess what? Maisey is doing fucking great. “She’s like a whole new dog,” is how my mom describes her. Turns out that whole stomach issue was just something funny she ate while out on a walk and the bug has passed. But that doesn’t change the fact that if my mom HAD brought her to the vet on Monday then they would’ve murdered my goddamn dog. If my mom didn’t think, “You know what? I’m gonna ride this out a little longer” then I would have half as many dogs as I do right now.

And that got me thinking, of fucking course veterinarians don’t know what they’re doing. Their doctor book says, “Is the animal running? Healthy. Is it coughing? Give it water. Not running and not coughing? Kill it.” It’s no surprise, for humans we have the most exact focuses imaginable. We’ve got butt doctors and foot doctors, eye doctors, bone doctors, cancer doctors, I could go on forever. Veterinarians are responsible for ALL animals, a patient they can’t communicate with. Dog, cat, ferret, snake, turtle, fucking horse, whatever… you got a sick animal? This dude’s apparently got the answer. BULLSHIT. Veterinarians are a scam and I’m done with their nonsense.

Advertisement

Yeah, I disrespected the vets and I’ll do it until the day I die, I don’t give a damn. Fuck the vets.