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Trump Says U.S. Needs To Pick Up Our Nuke Game

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Alright I’ll give the Donald credit here I didn’t know Russia had more nukes than we do


That’s fucked up. How the hell did that happen? I wanted to come in hot raving about how ridiculous it is that anyone for any reason would need 7,000 nukes and how really about 4 or 5 could get the job done but that was before I knew Russia had more than us. Fuck that. We have to have more than Russia. I don’t care if everyone else only has like 10 and North Korea thinks a couple bottle rockets are nukes, we have to have more than Russia. If they had 2 billion nukes we need 2 billion and 1 nukes. It’s like Gates and Buffett — nobody needs 80 billion dollars, they just HAVE to have more than the other guy. It’s in their DNA. It’s who they are. It’s what keeps them going.

100% with Trump on this one. Fuck Russia. If we don’t have like 100,000 nukes by the end of Trump’s first term I’ll be shocked. I want nukes rolling out of the Oval Office when someone unexpectedly opens a door. I want Baron playing hide-and-seek in a nuclear stockpile on the South Lawn. I want Abe holding a nuke under each arm in the Lincoln Memorial. Nukes nukes nukes.

PS — One of my sneaky favorite facts is that our Ohio-Class submarines can each carry 192 nukes. 192! Imagine your first 191 nukes don’t quite take care of business but you’re really feeling good about that 192nd.