The Nakatomi Tower Gingerbread House Is Probably The Greatest Artistic And Culinary Creation Of Our Time
We are not here to engage in the tired debate of whether or not Die Hard is a Christmas movie (it is). We are here to discuss what this guy deserves as a reward for creating this masterpiece. I know there is the Nobel Prize for scientists and the Nobel Peace Prize for peacemakers. But I have no idea if there is a Nobel Food Prize, Nobel Art Prize, or Nobel Food Art Prize. But this guy deserves them all. The creativity of simply coming up with the idea for this edible tower is one thing. The ability to create the funky architecture of Nakatomi tower with nothing but frosting, gingerbread and a shitload of guile is another. But it’s the attention to detail that makes this the pièce de résistance. We have Argyle just chilling in his limo, the four asshole coming in the rear in standard two-by-two cover formation, one of Hans’ best goons lighting those sons of bitches up with a rocket launcher, the roof being laced to the nines in detonators, Powell and that jerk-off Dwayne who just got buttfucked on national TV, and of course the greatest movie villain of all-time, Hans Gruber dangling out of a window with his only savior being the Rolex that Ellis (RIP) gave Holly. Bravo, Anthony. May Santa bring you everything you ever desired and more on Saturday night.
And while I have the floor, let me just spit some hard truths about gingerbread. It stinks. Christmas has long been a peppermint season and rightfully so. Candy canes are delightful and go hand-in-hand with Christmas. But the fact that we build edible houses using frosting, candy, and gingerbread and nobody ever gets upset that they can’t eat the house lets you know just how shitty gingerbread is. We need to replace gingerbread with some sort of graham crackers (an admittedly summer snack thanks to s’mores) and right a wrong that is seemingly centuries old. Graham crackers are criminally underrated and underused partially because they have the stigma of being a dessert with a cracker last name. They should be used more, especially during Christmas time. We deserve it and Baby Jesus deserves it. Thank you for your time and consideration.
P.S. I need this ornament more than I need oxygen. I don’t care if it’s homemade. I failed arts and crafts too many times to make it myself and I’ve already disappointed my wife enough times that asking her to make me a Die Hard ornament just seems like piling on. Whoever made this needs to put these on the market and become a millionaire overnight.
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