Breaking News: Giants Get Basically Zero Punishment for WalkieLeaks


I’d call this a “slap on the wrist” if it wasn’t so disrespectful to slaps on wrists, which at least can be a little bit painful on occasion. Altogether the Giants and Ben McAdoo will had to write checks that amount to 40 percent of what Bill Belichick personally have to pay for SpyGate. And nothing in the way of forfeited draft picks. For what is essentially the same goddamned offense, if not actually worse.

Proving once again that there are two sets of laws under Roger Goodell’s unholy reign. One for the Patriots, and a different set for the other 31 teams. Get caught using a piece of audio/visual equipment the league told you you can’t have during a game and the first question isn’t “What were you doing with that thing?” It’s “What team are you with?” If the answer is New England, it’s gonna cost you draft picks. Not to mention money, threats of lawsuits, grandstanding by corrupt politicians like Arlen Specter (R-Hell), and asterisks being thrown at everything you’ve ever won like they’re Ninja stars.

But when it’s the Giants, then it’s fire up the excuse machine and pretend this is no big deal. Poor Ben McAdoo didn’t know the rule. He didn’t mean anything by it. Dust off that old chestnut from the St. Louis Cardinals’ hacking scandal, “It didn’t give them a competitive advantage.” The Maras are too classy to ever allow cheating. The rule was vague. It’s unnecessary. I ran out of gas. I… I had a flat tire. I didn’t have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn’t come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake. A terrible flood. Locusts! IT WASN’T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD!

You know what would feel really good right about now? Is for some of the true, devout, Patriots-hating jihadists out there to speak up and tell us again how  the NFL isn’t really treating the Pats any differently than anyone else and we’re just being paranoid. Go ahead. At a time like this we could use the laugh.