That right there is the face of a happy man. A man that has been through all the rigors of having three young kids. War stories for days I bet. Finding out that his kids are fucking PETRIFIED of Elf On The Shelf has to be a Top 5 best moment of his life (which is now over because he has three kids). Not only does he get a little bit of revenge for the countless little L’s his kids have dealt him over the years. But he also knows that he can go to turn to his trusty elf in the bullpen whenever the kids act up. There is no need to threaten a time out or a spanking if your Elf On The Shelf is your kids’ own personal boogeyman.
And I wasn’t always an Elf On The Shelf fan. When I first heard about Elf On The Shelf a few years back, I hated it with all my heart simply because it was such a basic idea yet the creator was cashing in like a motherfucker and every parent I knew would flood my Facebook feed with all the crazy hijinks their little elf asshole got into. But now that I am a parent, I couldn’t love the concept more. And it has nothing to do with seeing the magic of Christmas in my child’s eyes or anything like that. It’s because you need to have something that puts the fear of God into your kids. You or your spouse can be that person, but nobody likes being the bad cop. Using the whole “Santa will put you on the naughty list” probably has varying results based on the fact that big jolly son of a bitch is rarely in sight. But Buddy is always watching like Big Brother. Ready to snitch his elf ass off the minute you do something wrong. And you never know where he will pop up next. Utter brilliance.
P.S. The Christmas episode of Podfathers is coming out on Wednesday. Subscribe, rate 5 stars, listen and tell your friends to do the same.