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I Don't Like How This Video Makes It Seem Ryan Howard Has Anything Left In The Tank

Dammit, God. It’s unlikely, but it wouldn’t shock me one bit if Ryan Howard has a resurgence as a DH next year. No, not because he’s got any sort of real value left. This trainer can tug Howard’s nuts over HR’s/AB and exit velocity all he wants. Nothing matters when you keep whiffing at 0-2 low and away breaking balls as hard as I punch in my dreams. Howard will only have some life left solely because it’s the destiny of every athlete to ever leave Philadelphia to find greater success and win. Schilling, Victorino, Iguodala, Richards, Carter, Reggie White, Dutch. The list can go on forever (and it does). Plus imagine if he can get his hands on 2017’s version of the “Cream” or “Clear” or whatever the hell Barry Bonds used to take (and whatever David Ortiz is on) to make him superhuman into senility. Or he can say fuck it and take whatever horse testosterone Julio Franco was injecting into his cheeks to stay in the majors till 50. You do what you gotta do to survive in the show.

Even though there’s a better chance of Howard physically landing on the moon instead of launching baseballs within its orbit again, I’m still pulling for the guy. As should all of us.