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Hamden High School In Connecticut Put On Lockdown After A Student Pretended To Dunk On A Teacher

Not the incident in question

(NBC)Hamden High School was placed on lockdown and evacuated this morning after an altercation was reported and police said a student making “basketball” moves prompted the response. Police said a school employee reported hearing someone walking toward her, then saw a teenage boy raise his fist as if he was going to punch her, so she hurried her pace to get away and alerted coworkers. The school resource officer investigated and police said the student was running in the hallway and made believe he was dunking a basketball when the school employee turned around, according to police. Hamden High School students were brought to Hamden Middle School during the lockdown and have been allowed back into their own school.

I researched the fuck out of this story because upon my first read, I flatout didn’t believe it. My simple mind couldn’t grasp this kind of a reality. But, it’s real. It’s very real. Multiple sources, sources with blue check marks and everything, are saying that a goddamn high school was shut down because a kid pretended he was going to dunk a ball on a teacher. Sounds weird but guess what? I believe this kid 10000%. You know why? Thanks for asking, I’ll tell you.

Because pretending to dunk on things is an essential part of teenage life. Puberty, masturbation, and pretending to dunk at every opportunity is a humongous part of growing up. I don’t care if you’re walking by a friend, through a doorway, under a banner, or under some kind of alarm that says “don’t jump and try to dunk on this or your family will die,” doesn’t matter. You have to try and dunk on everything.

Also because no one who wants to punch someone raises their fist 15 steps away. I think gay guys and maybe girls do that? Or maybe they just do it on TV shows? But no one who actually wants to hit someone runs a quarter mile at them with their fist in the air like they’re running into battle.

PS – What are the odds this kid was white? Zero point zero zero zero zero percent? Or is that too high?