Grading the Newest Sex Scandal Teacher(s)


North CarolinaDavie County sheriff’s deputies have arrested a teacher and charged her with having sex with a male student.

The sheriff’s office told local media outlets Tuesday that 27-year-old Jessica Welch Greene of Mocksville is charged with three counts of sexual activity with a student.

Deputies say the sex occurred on and off campus between Nov. 1 and Dec. 1.

And North CarolinaThe Davie County Sheriff’s Office reports a former middle school teacher was arrested Thursday after an investigation concluded she sent inappropriate photos of herself to students, who then shared the pictures with peers. 

Shannon Wood, a former Physical Education teacher at William Ellis Middle School in Advance, was charged with three counts of Disseminating Material Harmful to a Minor. Wood, a 33-year-old Bermuda Run resident, was also charged with one count each of Statutory Sex Offense with a Child Under 15, Indecent Liberties with a Minor and Disseminating Obscene Material to a Minor.

Way to go, Davie County! A funny thing happened on the way to do research on Jessica Welch Greene; Shannon Wood popped up. (Yes, I know I just said “Wood popped up.” Settle down back there. We’ve got serious work to do.) It would appear this little municipality in North Carolina is trying to become serious players on the Sex Scandal Teacher stage. Like one of those obscure counties in the Dakotas tha comes from nowhere to become on of the most prosperous in the country once they start making fracking money, Davie is going from irrelevant to major power overnight.

Or, I should say, is trying to make it to the big time. Because this is one of those good job, good effort things. Credit Jessica for the on-campus sex. That’s really nice. And Shannon, because it’s always a quality attempt at SST stardom to send nude texts knowing they’ll spread around the school like the flu. And I appreciate them going for the strength-in-numbers thing. Getting caught within weeks of each other like this, it’s as if they were trying to join together like some sort of a perverted teacher Voltron. I’m just afraid they still might not have enough to make an impact. The SST game is one of those institutions where it’s about quality, not quantity.

The Grades:
Looks: Just to let you know the sacrifices I make for your entertainment, I sat in front of that mugshot of Jessica for a longass time trying to figure out who she reminds me of. I just knew it’s a guy and he’s an actor, until finally it hit me. Bill Pullman. Shannon looks like white trash neighbor who gets interviewed on the local news every time there’s an overdose in a housing project. To keep things simple, I’m combining all their grades, like when you get assigned a group project.
Grade: C-

Moral Compass/Bad Judgment: Like I said, nice tries. I respect the efforts of both ladies. But these are exactly the kinds of scant details that destroy your grade. Jessica did something with a kid on campus? What? Where? Hand stuff in the woods behind the backstop or reverse cowgirling in the auditorium during the school play? We need more to go on. And unless we find out more from Shannon, we have to assume these were photos of her in her WalMart bra.
Grade: C-

Intangibles: OK, now here’s something to work with. Mocksville. Bermuda Run. The aforementioned Ms. Wood. And last but certainly not least, teachers making sexual overtures to their students from the town called Advance. Because Irony.
Grade: A-

Overall: C. Strength in numbers is not always a thing. But keep trying, Davie County.

Do you have someone you want to see graded? Tweet her to me @jerrythornton1 with #SexScandalTeacher. And be sure to include photos and a link or it’s of no use. Your service to the betterment of mankind will be its own reward.