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Stanford Band Suspended Until 2017 Because Of Cultural Problem...With The Band.

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Stanford DailyOn Friday, members of the Leland Stanford Junior University Marching Band (LSJUMB) received a notice that the locks to the Band Shak had been changed. The Shak, home to decades’ worth of the Band’s Tree costumes, instruments and memorabilia, was opened for one hour for students to retrieve their personal items.

In a letter to the Band published on Friday, the University announced that the Band has been suspended through spring 2017 and ordered to cease all on- and off-campus activity. The University also explained its intention to restructure the group, which is currently student-run, under a professional music director who will provide direct University oversight.

The Band will not perform, or even exist as an institution, during Admit Weekend or at any sporting events in winter quarter and spring quarter.

StanfordA campus Organization Conduct Board (OCB) panel recently found the Band responsible for new violations of campus alcohol policy, the alcohol suspension and the travel ban. Reviewing both the new violations and the failure to complete the required reforms over the last 18 months, the OCB panel found “a systemic cultural problem” in the Band organization and concluded that “the outstanding issues have not been taken seriously by the Band or its leadership and that nothing more will be accomplished without extreme consequences.”

“We do not feel that the current leadership or membership is capable of creating the necessary cultural change,” the OCB panel wrote. “We feel there is a total lack of accountability and responsibility in the current organization.”

First of all I can’t hear the words “Stanford Band” without thinking of the time Bill Burr murdered them in cold blood and buried them in the dirt.

But as for the story, I know your first instinct is to laugh at a marching band having a cultural problem. I mean we’re talking about the dweebs who play flutes and trombones here, how rowdy can they possibly be. But let’s not forget the Ohio State band that turned out to be doing flying 69s on the team buses and calling people Jewboobs and Twat Thumper and Twinkle Dick and sucking off bananas in condoms and shit. These geeks get fucking WILD. So throw out all stereotypes and convention when it comes to band nerds, they may seem harmless, but behind the scenes, these guys fuck shit up.

I mean the Stanford Tree is basically on suicide watch over the news.

“Band is devastated,” said Stanford Tree Sam Weyen ’18. “I’ve cried with maybe 20 separate people tonight. Understand that we didn’t lose a social activity, we lost our home. We lost our hope. Let’s not even talk about the egregious timing with finals knocking at the door. I for one have never felt so empty inside, as the Stanford band was my safe space, my smultronstalle, my everything. I’m left hapless wondering if Stanford actually gives a shit about me.”

These guys live for the band. They ride and die for the band. Taking it away for a year for some alcohol offenses is as savage as a punishment can get for these guys.

Of course watching that Rose Bowl halftime show back kind of makes it tough to feel bad for them, but still.